WARNING: This blog is not for those easily offended, the faint of heart or complete Miami Hurricane "homers" who are desperately looking for some way to turn yesterday's game into a positive simply because Miami won. In fact, this blog is not going to make anybody happy so that is why I am issuing a warning and an apology to everyone here at Canespace right up front.
That nasty, foul, wretched stench you smell today is the lingering smell of bull dung that your Miami Hurricanes stepped in, no make that fell face first into, yesterday against the USF Bulls in Tampa.
The Hurricanes equipment staff may as well burn the uniforms from yesterday's stinker of a game because I've taken three showers and washed my clothes several times and I still can't get that awful smell off of my skin or out of any of the orange and green clothing I had on at the game.
The performance by Miami at Raymond James Stadium was that bad.
The game was possibly even worse than that if you happened to be among the 57,000 fans who actually attended the game like Chris Whelpton and his lovely girlfriend (seen below).
Chris, or Orange and Green in the Vein as he is known here at Canespace, is a self professed critic of Al Golden and has (along with one or two others) tried diligently to recruit others to "The Darkside" without much success so far this season.
But that may have changed after yesterday's excuse for a football game in Tampa. The game was so completely devoid of action, excitement or big plays that several fans actually feel asleep during the game.
No seriously, my wife was among those fans who literally fell asleep during the second quarter.
When she and a few other fans woke up all I could do was assure them that they didn't miss much at all except for maybe a few tackles and a couple of punts by both teams. In fact, while kickoffs were rare (4 total) the two teams managed to punt the ball 17 times during the defensive struggle.
Sure, sure, sure...the positive spin on the game is that Miami beat USF to go to 6-5 on the season and become bowl eligible. And yes, the UM defense played surprisingly well as the Hurricanes out kicked the Bulls by the score of 6-3 in what looked more like a soccer match than a football game as the game was decided by the kickers for both teams.
Both teams seemed to treat the end zone as some toxic nuclear waste storage area as neither team ever approached, got close to or much less tried to cross the goal line during the entire 60 minute contest. There is more action in a single rugby scrum than there was in this entire football game.
The UM offense, which had consistently been receiving such high praise from most Hurricanes fans near and far, completely stagnated in their second to last game of the season on the third Saturday in November.
The Hurricanes rushing attack was anything but effective as they rushed for a measly 57 yards on 40 attempts for a paltry 1.4 yards per carry. That is simply not going to get it done.
The six points UM scored against USF was the lowest total allowed by the Bulls this season. Even NCAA powerhouse Ball State scored a touchdown and seven points in a losing effort to the Bulls earlier this season.
Even the mighty Rattlers of FAMU managed to score 17 points against the Bulls back in October.
USF (5-5) had lost previous games to Rutgers, Cincinnati, UConn and Big East power Pittsburgh by 27 points earlier this season. Yet Miami could only muster up two field goals against the Bulls.
UM Offensive Coordinator Jedd Fisch, who some had crowned as an "offensive genius" in recent weeks for his success and the complete transformation of UM QB Jacory Harris this season, did his best imitation of Patrick "I ain't the Fix" Nix as the Hurricane offense choked, sputtered and at times completely stalled out under his uncoordinated direction.
The aforementioned Harris looked hurried, lost and confused as he faced a fierce USF pass rush all afternoon. Harris had his worst game this year by far and held the ball way too long on way too many occasions as he was either pressured or sacked on seemingly every passing down.
Al Golden also deserves his fair share of criticism for the Hurricane's lackluster effort and poor performance in his first bus trip across the State to the city by the bay. After losing to the Seminoles in the 850 last week, losing to the Bulls in the 813 yesterday would have been unforgivable even by the most dedicated and die-hard Hurricane fans.
Especially those fans that are easily tempted by opposing team's cheerleaders and The Darkisde.
Yet it took a 36 yard field goal by Jake Wieclaw with 2 seconds left in the game to seal the deal for Miami against lowly USF. That is simply unacceptable by any standards, much less Miami fans' expectations, at this late point of the season.
The bottom line is that this team, with these players and coaches, should be performing at much higher level after eleven games. That fact, and the stench from yesterday's smelly and highly objectionable performance by the Hurricanes, lands squarely and firmly in the center of Al Golden's desk at the Hecht Athletic Center in Coral Gables.
Al Golden barely managed to fend off OGV's efforts to recruit other Miami fans to The Darkside for another week.
But let me be clear: Against Boston College there will be no time for any more of this nonsense.
The Darkside is always nearby and always calling for more members.