These are the terms used to describe your Miami Hurricanes Football team in the parking lot of Hard Rock Stadium after games this season.
To be honest, nobody, not a single fan I have met seems to have any confidence or clue about this 2017 UM team. But then who really does?
In fact, if I sold rocking chairs for a living, I think I would be a very rich man by now. But I don't, and I am not. Yet still, I am as baffled as anyone about this Miami Hurricane football team.
One minute they look like world beaters. The next they look like, well, dog poop. On some drives scoring is simple. Then on the next, well, more dog poop.
With this team, you really have to watch your step. So that you literally do not "step in it". That dog poop smells awful.
The game against Syracuse started out nicely with the Canespace Family all gathered together to witness the victory that we were sure would follow. The first half left us feeling a bit light headed and even giddy as the Hurricanes dominated the play.
Malik Rosier looked better than ever and the play calling was crisp and efficient as it looked like the Canes were well on their way to a solid, easy win if not a blowout of the team that had just de-clawed the Clemson Tigers.
But that would be way too easy for this team and their loyal and confused fan base. The Canes attempted to do their best to spoil a delightfully pleasant afternoon by experiencing a momentary lapse of reasoning in relation to play calling and going completely brain dead when it came to execution.
Now that is one bad combination my friends.
In the end the good guys from Miami settled the score with the visitors from New York and left victorious with their perfect record intact and their pride still safe for another week. But that was more than we could say for our Canespace family at the tailgate.
You see the evil one showed his ugly head once again.
The revenge of Canezilla launched a nasty surprise attack that could not be repelled until the fans, some Canespacers and eventually the authorities were called in to intervene on my behalf.
I lived to talk about it but I will never ever never leave my back unattended.
Especially when guys like Canezilla are lurking.