This Could Be Huge!

The feature was written by the infamous SolarCane exclusively for Canespace…

 

Listening to Randy Shannon speak, one can affirm he is getting more comfortable as a Head Coach. His early rock hard drill sergeant press conference demeanor seems to have thawed and taken on a likeable and down right entertaining Proud Papa posture.

 

I doubt any of us could count the times we have heard Randy say, “they were flying around or “I was excited”. As Randy gains prominence as a must interview, he will have to hone his public coach speak to perfection.

 

What Randy needs now is a cliché coach.   You know that guy.  He has to cram the clever tidbit he heard someone on ESPN say moments ago into every other sentence he feels compelled to shout across the bar to you.

 

I think I may have just found “that guy”.  Coach Buzz Wurd of the Div III Alabama Fighting Wood Ticks is a man that knows football speak better than anyone that ever scrawled Xs and O’s across a chalkboard.

 

Buzz Wurd’s football vocabulary is a premium blend for sure, equal parts Bear Bryant, Darryl Royal, and John McKay.  Coach Wurd’s Defensive Coordinator, Vinny “The Ferret” Ferretti can also toss around a few well worn clichés with the best of them.

 

Here is part one of an exclusive Canespace interview with Coach Wurd and “The Ferret” done at the Waffle House in Truck, Alabama (pop. 987) earlier this week.

 

Space:  Morning Coach Wurd, It’s an honor to meet you, tell us a little about The Fighting Wood Ticks?

 

Buzz:  “Well, the Ticks are a typical blue collar team. They bring their lunch pail to work with them everyday. The kids give 110 percent on and off the field. They have tremendous mental toughness and play for the guy beside them; they never take a play off!”

 

I could tell right then I had hit the Fort Knox of sport cliché.

 

Space: Your quarterback Merle Satterfield is being touted as the next great Alabama passer, tells us a little about him?

 

Buzz:  “Well “Merle the Pearl” as the Level Grove Evening Gazette likes to call him, has his head on straight, he’s a wonderful kid no doubt about it.  The kid has a cannon for an arm, runs like scared jack rabbit, is sharp as tack, has all the tools,  is a born leader and will only get better at the next level.  He can run the hurry up offense, milk the clock, play in the shotgun or under the center while under the shadow of his own goal posts. He can execute the offense and punch it in from the red zone. The kid has ice water in his veins.”

 

I had to hold the egg spattered menu up to my nose, just to hide the idiotic grin on my face.

 

Space:  Tremanious `D Millhouse has set every Div III receiving record in the book, is he really that good?

 

Buzz:  “Treadmill” as the Lincoln County Enquirer often refers to him, is the real deal; he is the next big thing, and a certified winner. The kid’s a playmaker! He runs better routes than UPS and has tremendous hands that are as soft as putty. Tread never hears footsteps, has a great initial burst, can make the circus catch, catch the ball in traffic, is fearless going across the middle.  He is a multi-talented, triple threat player who can run the take-off and catch the deep post. If you look under the Cletus Mack Used Car sign on The Fighting `Ticks Field you will see a poster that says “Dread the Tread”. That right there says all you need to know.”

 

About this time an imposing tall dark Good Fellas looking dude strolls up to our table.

 

Buzz looks up and says Solar this here is The Ferret!

 

I get up, shake Mister Ferret’s hand.  He crushes all of the bones in my right hand and whacks me on the back and says “Vinny Ferretti, my pleasure.”

 

The Ferret reaches down and plucks a bacon strip off the top of my pan cakes, bites the end off and sets it down precisely where it was laying. With out pausing to swallow he summons the waitress over and orders another round of everything on the table.

 

While Buzz Wurd reeks from the stench of original Old Spice and Skoal Bandit, The Ferret emits the aroma of Dolche y Gabana mixed with olive oil and just hint of garlic.

 

While Buzz Wurd uses all the old school clichés like “fast as a jack rabbit”, The Ferret is more state of the art and leans towards Rival’s ultra hip E Sports jargon.

 

Space: “Coach Ferretti, DelRod McNight seems to be everywhere on the field from his middle line backer spot, can you elaborate on his play?

 

Ferretti: “First let me say, The Ferret has seen a lot of great defensive players.  And you can take that to the bank.  Da Rod as I call him, may be the best ever at his position.  The kid has all the tools including some that haven’t even been invented yet.  He’s a pure head hunter with an explosive first step, unmatched lateral movement, unlimited athletic ability, fluid hips and great closing speed.  Da Rod has been turning a lot of heads and has been scouted by all the elite programs from the league. He is dirty. He is filthy.  He is money!

 

Space: You sound excited coach, what about safety Andrew Mizzelli?”

 

Ferretti: “Are you kiddin’ man? I mean are you fuggin kidding me?

 

Andy “The Missile Mizzelli” is a straight up terrorist!  When the whistle blows the kid has no regard for life: his, mine, yours or your mother’s. The kid had a personal foul penalty for going into the stands and bytch slapping a visiting team’s fan that didn’t stand up for our player introductions. You can’t coach that shyt!  The Missile is a once in a generation player, the heart of the team, a coach on the field. The epitome of what a Fighting Wood Tick is!  He could be the next Henry Hogshead for criz zake!!!  One game after an interception The Missile was celebrating so hard in the end zone the officials had Da Rod run over and tackle him just so we could get the ball back for the extra point attempt.”

 

We finished up our interview and I thanked The Ferret for the flap jacks, he squeezed me by the arm and whispered in my ear “Flap Jack” Jackson is our punt returner, what we were feasting on were ‘Bama griddle cakes.”

 

I thanked him for correcting me, and closing my laptop, I thought about all the clichés I was gonna be able to give Randy.  I whispered to myself…“This could be huge!”

Comments

[UMike]

first?

[pb(CSROH09)]

Second post, but first in the Hall...

[pb(CSROH09)]

Totally off topic, but amazing. From Britain's Got Talent:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk&NR=1

[UMike]

yeaaaaaaaaaah doggie..thats a first for me

[SOUP]

yeaaaaaaaaaah doggie..thats a first for me

Posted by: UMike | April 16, 2009 at 08:05 PM

UMike...I see some ST#26 in your future!

[SOUP]

SOUP..what happened to my link?

Posted by: UMike | April 16, 2009 at 08:08 PM

I took it down because I am going to add it as a picture link in the right column next to The Hampton Inn.

I put ProCanes.com back up because it is UM related.

Here is what U need to do:

Change your blog name to your web site name.

In the URL address box type in your web site addy.

Your name will appear in BLUE with the link to your site.

Once a week on the blog announce your product line and post your link in your blog comment.

[Drtycane]

soup is drty ever gonna get a tee....?

[SOUP]

pb...you come around at 8:02 for an 8:00 blog and expect to be FIRST?

Even during the dead season that ain't gonna happen!

Now the CSROH is a different story.

WatchU got?

[Aqua]

That was epic and there even was a Henry Hogshead name drop...

[SOUP]

soup is drty ever gonna get a tee....?

Posted by: Drtycane | April 16, 2009 at 08:17 PM

For a FIRST or a FEE anything is possible!

Email me at host@canespace.com to clarify your position.

[SOUP]

Aqua...who is this "Hogshead" U mention?

[Cat5Cane]

"One game after an interception The Missile was celebrating so hard in the end zone the officials had Da Rod run over and tackle him just so we could get the ball back for the extra point attempt.”

LROTG... Too much, found only on the space!!!

[The Truth]

LOL Solar...

Good laugh! Loved it.

[pb(CSROH09)]

BTW very funny stuff Solar.

[Chinese Punisher aka Cavaleer]

Solar, good one. I can see you chuckling at your computer as you wrote. haha

[solarcane]

Aqua cat man, Truth,
thanks!!
I tried to cram as many worn out cliches into that as I could.

SOUP sweet... Blind Squirrel Productions
(upper right corner) rock

peace

[solarcane]

pb, Chi thanks

If we could get Andy The Missile Mizzelli to transfer here we would be money on defense.
I mean FUGG-GIN-A!

peace

[SOUP]

Isnt there a Hungry Bear over there also? God I would kill for a honey mustard terriyaki chicken sub right now from Hungry Bear

Posted by: conch salad | April 16, 2009 at 03:58 PM

YUP. Hungry Bear sub shop is STILL there.

My mom and Sean Taylor drank some Jameson Irish Whiskey today.

Shhhhh...don't tell anybody.

[SOUP]

NO MORE POLITICS...I'M DELETING NOW.

[SOUP]

Solar...the blind squirrel NEVER sleeps!

[Chinese Punisher aka Cavaleer]

Soup, haha, apologies. I'll curb my enthusiasm from now on. ;-)

[Canefantasy]

Solar I think it was you... I watched some video that had al pacinos voice but this really good actor lipping it word for word wearing Canes clothes. I LOVED THAT VIDEO!! I just want to know is that anybody that gets on canespace??? is it U?? haha

[SOUP]

Canefantasy...this is for your eyes ONLY:

http://canespace.typepad.com/canespace/2008/07/distilling-the.html

[Chinese Punisher aka Cavaleer]

Yeah, what's the blind squirrel about??

[Old Skool]

Good stuff Solar! Thanks for the unique take.

One thing to add to the sports cliches are the sports reporters who don't ask questions.

They sticks mics in the coach's face and make comments like:

"Great game, coach."
"Georgia sure has a strong defense."
"Tim Tebow should cause problems with his running ability."
"Jacory looked good out there."

As a joke, I once pitched a sports editor on writing two articles in advance to cover the entire football season: one for a loss, one for a win. Both would be filled with hoary cliches such as "They wanted it more than we did."

I would just insert the score and teams for that week and post the appropriate article online right before the game ended.

Then we could claim to have the first or fastest coverage each week.

Naturally, I was rejected. Fans like their cliches fresh.

[Canefantasy]

Soup, I loved that even more than the video. Solar really enjoys those nice tall glasses of red koolaid. I am drinking it down like a silk.?.ha He really needs to write a book. Reading that made my ears tingle and my heart fill with delight. those soft words of realism from a true hurrricane was just what I needed to feel refreshed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjacMS7Siqw

[solarcane]

fantasy,
lol
no the guy in the vid isn't me... Maybe it's The Truth?? he gets accused of being everywhere.
peace

[solarcane]

Yeah, what's the blind squirrel about??

chi,

When ever I come up with something remotely good, like when I predicted Collier would blossom.. well rather than say I did good Soup will give me the ole
"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes" rather than admit I'm money.

So I made up a Blind Squirrel Productions logo and sent it to him for just such occasions

[solarcane]

skool thanks,

I been waiting over a year for you to write and article or something
That dead pan delivery of yours cracks me up every time

peace

[Canefantasy]

solar you are right more times that you are wrong.. Squirrellcane!!! Has a nice little ring to it.
Peace out girl scout

[Chinese Punisher aka Cavaleer]

When ever I come up with something remotely good, like when I predicted Collier would blossom.. well rather than say I did good Soup will give me the ole
"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes" rather than admit I'm money.

So I made up a Blind Squirrel Productions logo and sent it to him for just such occasions

Posted by: solarcane | April 16, 2009 at 10:43 PM

>>>>>

LMAO! You two should do stand-up. Pure comedy.

[Chinese Punisher aka Cavaleer]

Peace out girl scout

Posted by: Canefantasy | April 16, 2009 at 10:51 PM

>>>

I don't know why that cracks me up every time I read it...lol

[SOUP]

Solar...even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while! ;-)

LOL

[SOUP]

CORAL GABLES, Fla. - For the fifth weekend in a row, the seventh-ranked University of Miami baseball team will play a weekend series against a Top 25 opponent as the Hurricanes head to Chapel Hill to face No. 4 North Carolina at Boshamer Stadium, April 17-19. Miami (26-10, 11-7 ACC) comes into the series tied with Clemson for a conference-high 11 league wins while North Carolina (28-10, 10-7 ACC) sits a half a game behind UM in the Coastal Division standings.

This weekend's series also marks UM's second against a Top 10 ACC team on the road, after the `Canes took two-of-three from No. 7 Virginia in Charlottesville a month ago.

Game one of the three-game set is slated for Friday at 7 p.m. while Saturday's game is at 4 p.m. and Sunday's finale is at 1 p.m. All three games will be televised, with CSS carrying Friday and Sunday and Raycom on Saturday.

Miami is 7-3 in its last 10 games, including a 3-1 victory over FAU on Tuesday. The Tar Heels are coming off a mid-week split at home, falling to High Point on Tuesday before defeating Winthrop on Wednesday.

[SOUP]

WEEKEND SCHEDULE:

GAME 37: FRIDAY, APRIL 17, 7 P.M.
PROBABLE STARTERS
MIAMI - LHP Chris Hernandez (4-2, 5.89 ERA) vs. UNC - RHP Alex White (5-1, 3.67 ERA)
RADIO: 90.5 WVUM
TV: CSS

GAME 38: SATURDAY, APRIL 18, 4 P.M.
PROBABLE STARTERS
MIAMI - RHP David Gutierrez (2-4, 3.63 ERA) vs. UNC -Alex Warren (4-2, 3.19 ERA)
RADIO: 90.5 WVUM
TV: RAYCOM

GAME 39: SUNDAY, APRIL 19, 1 P.M.
PROBABLE STARTERS
MIAMI - LHP Iden Nazario (4-1, 6.45 ERA) vs. UNC - RHP Matt Harvey (4-1, 6.75 ERA)
RADIO: 90.5 WVUM
TV: CSS

UNC REPORT
The fourth-ranked University of North Carolina Tar Heels come into this weekend's series holding a 28-10 overall mark (10-7 ACC) having split two mid-week games against High Point (L, 11-9) and Winthrop (W, 20-4). In ACC play, the Tar Heels are 3-3 in their last two series, including dropping two-of-three to Florida State in their last weekend outing in Tallahassee. Earlier in the year, UNC dropped just its second home series since 2007 against an ACC foe, falling in two to rival Duke. Prior to that, the team's last home series loss came at the hands of Virginia in 2007.

UNC is led at the dish with four batters holding an above .300-clip, including third baseman Kyle Seager (.393), with a team-leading 59 hits in 150 trips to the plate. Behind him is first baseman Dustin Ackley with a .388 average with a team-best 45 runs. Ackley also leads the team with 11 homeruns and 102 total bases. The pitching for the Tar Heels is provided at the start by a pair of hurlers who hold a combined record of 9-3.

Adam Warren has a team-leading 3.19 ERA through 48 frames on the mound in eight appearances. Alex White, who has a team-leading 62 strikeouts, has a 5-1 record with a 3.67 ERA in 54 innings pitched. The bullpen looks towards Patrick Johnson with a team-best 2.15 ERA in 13 appearances, as he's collected two wins and is second on the team with 50 strikeouts. Brian Moran (2.41 ERA) and Colin Bates (3.25 ERA), who leads the team with five saves, also see quality action out of the pen.

MIAMI vs. UNC:

Miami owns a 19-17-1 edge in the all-time series between the two schools. Last season, the Tar Heels handed UM its only series loss of the season, taking two-of-three from the Hurricanes, May 15-17, in Coral Gables. The last time Miami played in Chapel Hill, UNC won all three games in 2007.

[SOUP]

QUICK HITTERS:

- Miami is 23-0 when leading after six innings this season.
- Miami has come from behind in 19 of its 26 wins.
- All three of junior Kyle Bellamy's wins have come against ACC opposition.
- Jason Hagerty is hitting a team-best .323 (21-for-65) in ACC play.
- Despite losing the series at No. 20 Clemson last weekend, the `Canes have still won 22 of its last 25 regular season series and 15 of its last 18 ACC series dating back to 2007.
- Starter Jason Santana beat FAU three times in the last 21 days (March 25 - April 14) to improve to a league-best 6-0.

[Canefantasy]

Soup, It should be a really good game. GO CANES!!!

[SOUP]

This info and all of the posts above are courtesy of www.hurricanesports.com:

Hurricane football fans will have some of their favorite players competing this weekend as well. Brandon Harris, who ran the Hurricanes fastest 400-meter dash time in nearly 13 years at the Miami Elite, will be competing in both the 400-meters and the 4x400 relay. Freshman wide receive Davon Johnson is scheduled to run in the 200-meter dash and interior defensive lineman Micanor Regis will compete in the shot put.

The ACC Outdoor Track and Field Championships are free to the public all three days. Spectator entrances will be located along the west side of Cobb Stadium along San Amaro Drive. The official schedule of events and other information is located on the ACC Track and Field Championships website.

[Chinese Punisher aka Cavaleer]

DVD and Sam aren't running track?? They should probably spend that time practicing against the WRs.

[Canefantasy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF6S0-A2UHg

If only Coker used hester like he should have been used.. Just think if we had him in a wildcat formation or put him at running back, wr, corner, safety, hell he would have been a better quarterback then Wright and Freeman..ha

[solarcane]

aight gang I'm out

peace

[Loco]

If only Coker used hester like he should have been used.. Just think if we had him in a wildcat formation or put him at running back, wr, corner, safety, hell he would have been a better quarterback then Wright and Freeman..ha

Posted by: Canefantasy | April 16, 2009 at 11:39 PM

Not smart enough to learn plays. That's not just speak, he couldn't do it. I don't understand how Frank Gore could and he couldn't, but whatever

[SOUP]

Not smart enough to learn plays. That's not just speak, he couldn't do it. I don't understand how Frank Gore could and he couldn't, but whatever

Posted by: Loco | April 16, 2009 at 11:49 PM

LOCO...U are brainwashed. That is NOT true!

Do U really believe that YOU as a UM student and rugby player, that if U had the opportunity to spend three months with DH, at three hours a day, could not have taught him to learn plays?

NO WAY!

Now, do you really believe that a MAJOR college football coach, with their job on the line and being paid FT to coach players, could NOT have taught DH to learn plays?

I could do it in two weeks at one hour a day. PROMISE!

That is on the coaches, not on DH. If it was on DH, they would have benched him and never let him play.

If he couldn't learn plays that he MUST have been motivated to learn to earn MILLIONS in the NFLU he could NEVER have passed a SINGLE class at UM.

U know that, I know that.

BS, TOTAL BS!!!

[DrtyCane]

calhoun, c-mac, hill, byrdman, regis, j.fig, jj, b.harris, sticky shields, d-train, epps, dj, dvd, d.berry, adderly, hulk bailey, j.fox, r.buchanon, o.franklin, holmes, r.phillips, pipho, sleepy spence, quick6, wieclaw, d.sharpton, jojo, and j12
were introduced if they haven't been already to
www.canespace.com via facebook

peace

[SOUP]

Thanks drty!

[The Truth]

Soup

While I mostly agree with you

Why didn't have a position for so long in the NFL? Surely he as drafted at a position and taught that skill to go along with returning kicks?

No?

[The Truth]

#4 was given EVERY opportunity to succeed at a position at Miami. He was allowed to pick and choose too...

It does make you wonder how he still gets only spot time as a WR in the show.

[SOUP]

Truth...I respect your opinions on Tuesdays and Thursdays but it is now past midnight and Friday.

What do U think DH would have done at USC, UF, TT or OU?

Give Whipple a player with Devin Hester's talent and he will make him a SUPERSTAR!!!

[pb(CSROH09)]

I agree with Soup. No matter how you try and complicate things its still a game of pitch and catch.

Hester was grossly underutilized. He had to touch the ball a minimum of 10 times a game even if he had to be Forrest Gumped to do it.