Mary Knows Football: Week 3

UF vs LSU: UF / LSU / LSU

Why do I have three answers to one game? At this point, there are three scenarios: (1) Saint Timmy plays, and because Jesus and circumcised Filipino orphans love him, he is miraculously healed with no lingering concussion symptoms; (2) Saint Timmy plays with lingering concussion symptoms because Urban Cryer cares more about himself than his players; (3) Brantley plays because Tebow of Nazareth’s concussion symptoms are so bad that even a coach who throws players with 102 fevers into the fire can’t justify playing him – not for Saint Timmy’s health, of course, but because he can’t win the game.

(1) With a healthy Tebow, I think LSU hangs in there for a while because of their defense and the Gators pull away in the 4th.  The LSU offense is gimmicky and even with the injuries of CB Moses Jenkins (he suffered a concussion in the Kentucky game too), and defensive lineman Lawrence Marsh and Brandon Antwine, I think the Crocs can shut it down.

(2) With a semi-healthy Tebow, I think the Gators will struggle because Saint Timmy will not be the rushing threat he is normally.   Their passing game has been hampered lately with the hamstring injury of Deonte Thompson, and although Thompson is expected back against LSU, I don’t think they have enough targets to make it an integral part of their offense. Plus, backup LT Matt Patchan is out for the season with a knee injury.  I think this is the most likely scenario for a Croc loss.

(3) Although Brantley has played quite a bit, he has been thrown in during the fourth quarter of blow-outs.  Starting your first game in Death Valley is a BIT different.  The Tiger fans will be out for blood and I think Brantley will get rattled under pressure.  Mix that in with a lackluster passing game (Brantley is not known for rushing), I see a LSU victory.

Wisconsin vs THE Ohio State University: Wisconsin

Wisconsin comes into this game, a series largely dominated by the luckeyes, undefeated.  Yes, Wisconsin hasn’t played any real competition, but the luckeyes lost the only the time they faced a real competitor (USC).  The luckeye D needs to contain the Badgers’ RB John Clay and force QB Scott Tolzien into throwing the ball.   This is the difference maker – if Clay has a big day, the luckeyes are in trouble.  If Tolzien is forced to throw, the luckeyes will bring in Terry Porter to throw a phantom pass interference flag and steal the game.

Boston College vs VA Tech: Boston College*

I already hear you guys disagreeing with me.  Let me make my case:  The ACC is more baffling than my Croc co-workers congratulating me on a Miami win, more baffling than a dude who wants to have the “let’s define our relationship” talk during the 4th quarter of a tied football game (true story!), more baffling than why FSWho still has any verbal commits for 2010.  In the ACC, anything can happen.   Boston College has a balanced offense with 14 total touchdowns for the year (5 on the ground, 9 through the air), with eight different receivers reaching the end zone already this season and RB Montel Harris racking up over 400 yards rushing and all 5 of the team’s rushing touchdowns.   I see VA Tech’s secondary having some problems with all of BC’s options, especially after their ugly win against Duke last week. 

*Weather permitting!

Georgia Tech vs FSWho: GA Tech

FSWho, FSWho, FSWho . . . I pick in your favor 2 weeks in a row, and you throw it back in my face.  Just like a ‘Nole.  You would rather make a ‘Cane look bad than win.  I simply can’t pick for you again – perhaps ever.  The charity is over.   FSWho has talent, but infighting between the coaches, trustees, and administration is leaving this program in shambles.   I expect GA Tech to run all over them and their demoralized D.

Miami vs FAMU: Miami

Although my baked goods of choice for this Saturday’s tailgate are cupcakes, I am not dismissing FAMU.   They aren’t stadium cake-worthy, but they have more to offer than their band.  They are undefeated and LeRoy Vann returns punts for TDs like a low-rent Devin Hester.  That being said, it was downright moronic for their players to run their mouth about Miami before this game.  Saying Jacory Harris is “pretty good” is like saying my puppy Sebastian is “sort of handsome.”  Our Sponge Bob-watching, humble no trash-talking ‘Canes will destroy FAMU, and thanks to the Rattlers’ false bravado, it will be more fun this time.

Bonus pick – Iowa vs Michigan: Iowa

This comes from my buddy Adam, a Hawkeye/Cane, who will walk with you for miles and miles to find a bar that’s open after a Thanksgiving W over Boston College.  He’s good people.

Iowa, 5-0 for the first time since 1995, is coming off an unexpectedly tough win vs. FCS Arkansas St and the underdog win at Penn State where they made the mythical “white-out” look no more intimidating than a bowl of sugar. This week the Hawkeyes host a surging Michigan (4-1) that are, as the weeks go by, making us forget that they lost Appalachian State just two seasons ago. The Wolverines are led by freshman quarterback Tate Forcier and his un-freshman like 142.69 passer rating (2nd in the big ten.)

Why Iowa’s gonna win:

1. Defense: This group has been chewing up offenses all season. In the month of September, this group allowed only 46 points (4 td’s, 6 fg’s), and forced 9 interceptions. The Hawkeyes haven't allowed a rushing touchdown for 33 consecutive quarters, dating back to November 8, 2008. Arguably the Hawkeyes are one of the best defenses in the nation.

2. The 2nd Half Ricky Stanzi: Having won 9 consecutive games, the Iowa quarterback is the reason fans carry Tums in their pocket on Saturdays. In the first half his total completion percentage is 41%, which goes a long way in explaining Iowa’s dismal 2 passing touchdowns before the break in September. Once he exits that tunnel he is “the Manzi”, completing 72% of his passes. With star blindside offensive linemen Bryan Bulaga and ’08 catch leader Derrell Johnson-Koulianos back, Stanzi can only get better before the half. This Saturday night at Kinnick, he will!

Comments

[canesbrewing]

1st

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

Let's Go 'Canes!

[solarcane]

off to watch survivor back in a sec, thast's a sweet skirt JSQ!!!

peace

[Esteban]

next time i go down to miami i'm going to have to take my camera, mic and all that. actually i probably don't need to since one of my brothers got equipment too. but i'll make sure to do a few things.

[canezilla]

any idea on how many are going to the game this weekend

[86Cane]

Mary...tell us about your love for Tebow and all he stands for? What about his Heisman?

[Canez1]

I think Taylor cook and Cannon were smiling and fine the day before they decided to sucker punch RS in the temples.

Not saying the Streeter thing has legs but you never know with these sneaky mofo's.

I look forward to seeing what the younger guys have to offer.

We need to blast the weaker teams on our schedule and start showing some consistency.

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

Mary...tell us about your love for Tebow and all he stands for? What about his Heisman?

Posted by: 86Cane | October 08, 2009 at 08:04 PM

I'll take the bait!

I'm not a fan of Tebow personally. Not to get into a religious debate, but I'm pretty sure it's hypocritical of him to have cameras swarming him when he does charity (the Bible says those who give alms should not sound trumpets - pretty sure ESPN cameras accompanying you to your spring break circumcising Filipino orphans is sounding a trumpet), not to mention the overcelebration call in the NC last year (is that what Jesus would do, Timmy?). That being said, I think he is being used as a pawn by Urban Liar. Saint Timmy thinks Urban thinks of him like a son. No, Tebow, he thinks of you like an ATM. I feel bad for him.

[86Cane]

"I expect GA Tech to run all over them and their demoralized D."

Mary...so do I. But the BIG questions is what is the fate of one Bobby Bowden?

Will he be back next year?

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

"I expect GA Tech to run all over them and their demoralized D."

Mary...so do I. But the BIG questions is what is the fate of one Bobby Bowden?

Will he be back next year?

Posted by: 86Cane | October 08, 2009 at 08:10 PM

I think if he pulls it together for the rest of the season, definitely. Even if he doesn't, I think they will give him another year. Personally, I would be scared of the wrath of Ann Bowden if they didn't!

[86Cane]

Canez1...when U coming back to "The Dirty"?

We got something for U!

[JCane]

I saw in the PB Post today there was mention of Matt Elam having been convinced by Urban to keep his commitment to FU after a 2 hr. chat after having recently stating that he was leaning toward WVU.

Also, they (per Ben Volin) mentioned about our old friend, Matt Patchan, tearing his right ACL in practice on Tuesday and being out for the year. I guess it's better than being shot, but he keeps finding new ways to be injured. Gotta feel bad for the guy.....okay, maybe just a tiny little bit....

[86Cane]

Mary...your new BFF and long-time Canespacer Canechic is in love with Randy Shannon, Jacory Harris and her Husband AngryCane. And in that order.

Who are your current favorite UM players and ALL-TIME favorite Hurricanes?

[Canez1]

Not sure. I had a great time with everyone last weekend. We missed your trek over to the RV lot cause my girl had to take a squirt and the line took forever! I was jonesin for some jello!!!

We are booked for the UNC game already. Just have to lock down a room and flight.

Two trips to Miami in one month is pricey!!!LOL

You never know tho. I was a second away from driving 10 hours down for the Vagtech game. Calmer heads prevailed tho thank god!LOL

I met e dude on the plane coming home that did the same thing and he said he was absolutely miserable and left at halftime.

The only other game I can see coming down for is the Clemson game. I know Matt in NY is heading down for it. There is some kind of Hurricane club lunch that weekend if I am not mistaken.

I hate the schedule this year. We either play in Fl or NC the whole season!!

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

off to watch survivor back in a sec, thast's a sweet skirt JSQ!!!

peace

Posted by: solarcane | October 08, 2009 at 08:01 PM

Thanks, Solar!

[Canez1]

I am hoping that something isn't a smash in the face LOL

I probably deserve it for one reason or another.

I know my girl thinks so.

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

Mary...your new BFF and long-time Canespacer Canechic is in love with Randy Shannon, Jacory Harris and her Husband AngryCane. And in that order.

Who are your current favorite UM players and ALL-TIME favorite Hurricanes?

Posted by: 86Cane | October 08, 2009 at 08:21 PM

Current players? Probably C-Mac, Jacory, and Coop. All sweet boys.

All time Hurricanes? The ones who come to my Palm Beach 'Canes Club events.

. . . and 2-0 E-Reed. My all time favorite.

"What does it mean to be a 'Cane? It's my life, man, it's my life."

. . . and Jeremy Shockey (with his shirt off).

[CaniaK aka True Canes]

I really do not like the USF coach

[Canez1]

BTW Shulas on the beach in FLL has THE best scallops I have ever tasted!

The crabcakes were excellent as well.

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

Mary...your new BFF and long-time Canespacer Canechic is in love with Randy Shannon, Jacory Harris and her Husband AngryCane. And in that order.

Who are your current favorite UM players and ALL-TIME favorite Hurricanes?

Posted by: 86Cane | October 08, 2009 at 08:21 PM

. . . and I'd walk through fire for Randy Shannon. He's in a whole different category for me. I was physically shaking the first time I met him. He probably thinks "oh sh%t" every time he sees me at an event. The quickest way for someone to get on my bad side is to dis The Boss.

[dacanes]

anyone watching Miami Northwestern and Glades Central on espn 2

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

http://www.wqam.com/streamer/index.php?displaystreamer=true

listening to Hurricane Hotline on WQAM

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=534635575]

what? no pick on PSU v. Eastern Illinois?

[CaniaK aka True Canes]

anyone watching Miami Northwestern and Glades Central on espn 2

Posted by: dacanes | October 08, 2009 at 08:30 PM

Dude it is not Glades Central, it is Miami Central

[CaniaK aka True Canes]

Let's go Rockets, let's beat the West. It is payback time after they beat us in the playoffs last year.

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

what? no pick on PSU v. Eastern Illinois?

Posted by: Mathew Bryant | October 08, 2009 at 08:33 PM

Wow, what was I thinking, surely another nailbiter for Penn State! Haha, I just sent you an e-mail to check out the article. Look at the end for what my friend Adam had to say about your white out against Iowa. I took some crap at my tailgate for picking y'all!

[canechic]

Mary...your new BFF and long-time Canespacer Canechic is in love with Randy Shannon, Jacory Harris and her Husband AngryCane. And in that order.

Who are your current favorite UM players and ALL-TIME favorite Hurricanes?

Posted by: 86Cane | October 08, 20 09 at 08:21 PM

So true!

. . and Jeremy Shockey (with his shirt off).

Posted by: Palm Beach 'Canes Club | October 08, 2009 at 08:27 PM

Ohhh and without his.....oh boy I better stop!

GO CANES!

[dcanes]

Dude it is not Glades Central, it is Miami Central

That's what I ment. Got to stop drinking.

[Ben Leis]

"because Jesus and circumcised Filipino orphans love him,"

thanks i just laughed minestrone soup all over my computer

[CaniaK aka True Canes]

TD rockets, it's on now

[canechic]

And I love Tebow about as much as Mary!

And if Bradford and Tebow were my sons they would not play another down on the college football field. I am sure timmy will play and we will have to hear Jesus, this and Jesus that.....

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

. . and Jeremy Shockey (with his shirt off).

Posted by: Palm Beach 'Canes Club | October 08, 2009 at 08:27 PM

Ohhh and without his.....oh boy I better stop!

GO CANES!

Posted by: canechic | October 08, 2009 at 08:37 PM

Yeah, I was trying to keep it pg. I have an amusing story for you about Shockey's "talent scout" from Squeal BBQ in New Orleans. Better told over orange and green jello shots prior to another 'Cane victory! ;-)

[mm01]

U women are worse than us guys!

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

"because Jesus and circumcised Filipino orphans love him,"

thanks i just laughed minestrone soup all over my computer

Posted by: Ben Leis | October 08, 2009 at 08:38 PM

What happened to your Jewish penicillin???!!!

[CanesAddiction]

where is BG?

BG, who should us Canes fan keep a special eye on tonight in the MNW vs Central game

I know Chandler is a verbal and prob pretty solid but who else?

Not just who does UM want but who are they really going after now?

[canechic]

Bullin

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

And I love Tebow about as much as Mary!

And if Bradford and Tebow were my sons they would not play another down on the college football field. I am sure timmy will play and we will have to hear Jesus, this and Jesus that.....

Posted by: canechic | October 08, 2009 at 08:40 PM

My thoughts exactly, Canechic! I wonder if Jesus is ever like, "KID! GIVE IT A REST!"

Maybe that's what Ole Miss was last year . . .

[Canez1]

I think Michaelee Harris ends up a Cane as well as Torian Wilson.

I am still not buying that Stanford commitment.

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[CanesAddiction]

U women are worse than us guys!

Posted by: mm01 | October 08, 2009 at 08:42 PM

this is news to you? Women are into details and they aren't shy about sharing them. If you have a lady MM01, all her friends could describe your junk as well as you can.

Here's a funny one: Their bathrooms are waay dirtier too.

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

U women are worse than us guys!

Posted by: mm01 | October 08, 2009 at 08:42 PM

We put up with fantasies of pillow fights and how we got sick at the same time, not to mention some posts about holes yesterday that I won't go into. You guys will just have to put up with us admiring Shockey.

[Canez1]

"not to mention some posts about holes yesterday "

Whaaaaat!

Crap I always miss the good stuff!!!

:(

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[mm01]

Addiction,

I'm single by choice. I've done it all before, WAY to expensive and I'm saving for school.

Torrian Wilson is committed to Stanford.

[86Cane]

U women are worse than us guys!

Posted by: mm01 | October 08, 2009 at 08:42 PM

Times 10!

[Ben Leis]

After 5 delicious gallons of the Matzoh ball i had to go to the bullpen for the lefty Minestrone

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

I'm single by choice. I've done it all before, WAY to expensive and I'm saving for school.

Posted by: mm01 | October 08, 2009 at 08:54 PM

Wow, this is hurtful, mm01. As I recall, I paid for the jello shots and you didn't even propose after I beat you! Did the FSWho tailgate mean nothing to you?

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

After 5 delicious gallons of the Matzoh ball i had to go to the bullpen for the lefty Minestrone

Posted by: Ben Leis | October 08, 2009 at 08:56 PM

I only understand football metaphors, Ben. Try again.

[canechic]

U women are worse than us guys!

Posted by: mm01 | October 08, 2009 at 08:42 PM

We just know what we like and not afraid to share. You know it all went to h3ll when they gave women the right to vote. (This is angry's favorite saying)

[mm01]

of course, I could always make an exception!

I may be many things, but DUMB is not one of those! LOL

[Palm Beach 'Canes Club]

We just know what we like and not afraid to share. You know it all went to h3ll when they gave women the right to vote. (This is angry's favorite saying)

Posted by: canechic | October 08, 2009 at 09:00 PM

. . . and now we know football, too. What's the world coming to?

[Esteban]

Chandler roles on the ground before plays?