In light of recent events, I am changing the format of “Mary Knows Football” this week.
By “recent events” I mean the following: the Miami Hurricanes’ heartbreaking overtime loss to Clemson; ‘Canes “fans” throwing players and coaches under the bus; and in general, the type of fair-weather, bandwagon attitude that permeates the south Florida sports landscape. All three are sickening.
While I trust the ‘Canes will pull it together and finish the season strong, the remaining two issues are harder to remedy. You see, there are two types of sports fans in this world: Karens and Gingers. One you can trust, the other…well let’s just say, you don’t want to give them the key to your safe deposit box.
Who are Karen and Ginger, you ask? Karen is Karen Hill, wife of Henry Hill (Ray Liotta = Miami Hurricane) in Goodfellas. Ginger is Ginger Rothstein, wife of Sam “Ace” Rothstein in Casino.
As you may recall, Karen meets Henry when they are both young, before he started making big money. She puts up with Henry’s crap (not coming home at night, a car reeking of the late Billy Batts, and Janice Rossi), sticks by his side, and all she asks in return is a little shopping money so she can look nice for him and decorate their home with some tasteful animal prints. When Henry is busted after an unfortunate misunderstanding at the Tampa Zoo, Karen stays with him and visits him constantly. Indeed, she even smuggles salami and other goodies in during her visits to help Henry.
When Henry is released, Karen is at the gates waiting for him, having made due raising his children in a one bedroom apartment while he was “in college.” Later, when the cops are banging down their door, Karen flushes evidence and hides a gun in a precarious spot all to protect her man.
On the other hand, Ginger meets Ace after he has been sent to Vegas to open up the casinos for the Midwest mob bosses. Ace is already making money and Ginger latches on to him as a “sponsor.” After they have a daughter and marry, Ace gives her more money, fur coats, and a beautiful home. Things are good. Ginger charms Vegas politicians and everyone loves her.
Then, Ace starts having problems. What does Ginger do? She cheats on Ace with her old pimp as well as Ace’s best friend, kidnaps their daughter, later ties her to a bed, drives her Mercedes through their front lawn, steals Ace’s money and jewels, and ends up never heard from again after taking a “hot dose.”
Karens are the type of fans who support their team whether irrelevant or on top of the rankings. Karens will renovate an old van during the years of struggle, cover it in astroturf and ‘Canes upholstery, and name it “The ‘Cane Train.” Karens create a blog devoted to the team and the fans of the team during some of the darkest years of the program. Karens will tell you they were “about to go down in the elevator and get in that thing.”
Karens are the type of people you can count on to hide a gun in their unmentionables and smuggle salami into prison for you. Karens aren’t calling for the coach’s head because of a three run drive, questionable clock management, or the lack of a blitz attack. Karens aren’t going to say we need to bring Marve back because Jacory threw some interceptions. Karens will be at UVA, Duke, and USF supporting their team, no matter what boneheaded decisions were made last week. Karens will stand by their team.
Although the ‘Canes haven’t had to deal with the denial of a gaming license or extortion and narcotics distribution charges, they have experienced similarly devastating struggles over the last few years. The only conciliation I have found in that struggle is that the Gingers were gone, having put on some jorts, cutting their hair in a mullet, and leaving us for north Florida. On to the next winning team. No loyalty. Leaving our stadium empty and our team high and dry.
After the Hurricanes’ success early in the 2009 season, the Gingers were upon us again. You might have seen some Gingers spitting their prognostications on ESPN, or cheering “It’s Great To Be A Miami Hurricane” while exiting the Shark after we beat Oklahoma. But did you see Gingers at Clemson? Do you see Gingers now? After last Saturday, I’m sure the Gingers are back to doing a Croc chomp or cheering “Roll Tide.” Good riddance. I don’t trust Gingers and find them as repelling as Sharon Stone’s hairstyle at the end of Casino.
Gingers, if you are reading this: the U doesn’t need or want fans like you. In fact, when the ‘Canes and Karens make it back to the National Championship, you aren’t welcome at my tailgate. No jello shots for you. Find another sponsor.
So concludes my Martin Scorsese gangster movie wives/football fans metaphor. Guard yourself against Gingers and cue Gimme Shelter. “Oh, a storm is threatening . . .”
Here are my picks for the week. Questions on my rationale? Ask me on the live chat at 8 PM.
1 Florida vs. Georgia: Georgia
10 Oregon vs. 5 USC: Oregon
North Carolina State vs. Florida State: Florida State
UNC vs. 13 VA Tech: VA Tech (but please please please prove me wrong, Butch!)
19 Miami vs. Wake Forest: Miami
GO 'CANES!!!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:00 PM
wha?
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:00 PM
1st
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:00 PM
1st GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:00 PM
cane train lmao!
Mary you think Georgia scores enough to take UF?
peace
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:04 PM
damn, I thought I had it.
I saw the GRRR, in person, Hurriphin, and I immediately thought of U.
How would this dude like to be sitting in my chair, at this moment?
LOL!
and yes, Hurriphin, JSQ is MUCH HOTTER in person! (something about the hair flip)
I know u're jealous!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:04 PM
"What, I know the guy 30 years, you think I'm gonna whack him out for you?!?"
"But what about my money?!?"
"How in the F*CK am I supposed to get yer money now?!?"
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:04 PM
U can't beat the JSQ to be FIRST and U want to win a National Championship?
MM01 U lost your second consecutive Jello shot contest 15-12 and U are trying for FIRST? Chlid please!
Shameful, just shameful...
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:06 PM
Funny how? Funny like a clown?
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:06 PM
"It's a nice painting. You know. One dog's goin' dis way, the udder' dog's goin' dat way. And this guys like, Whaddya want from me?"
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:07 PM
cane train lmao!
Mary you think Georgia scores enough to take UF?
peace
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:04 PM
I think Cox can pass. The big question is in the run game. They are last in the SEC in rushing yards. Their offense is like the inverse of Florida. Like Bizarro Florida, for you Seinfeld fans.
The other concern is Spikes is supposed to be back. But you know how groin injuries are. He could be back for a few drives and then out he goes.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:08 PM
and yes, Hurriphin, JSQ is MUCH HOTTER in person! (something about the hair flip)
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:04 PM
Please, she has enough "self esteem" already. Don't encourage her.
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:08 PM
U can't beat the JSQ to be FIRST and U want to win a National Championship?
MM01 U lost your second consecutive Jello shot contest 15-12 and U are trying for FIRST? Chlid please!
Shameful, just shameful...
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:06 PM
And really, those numbers are just counting what I did while you guys were at the tailgate. You guys got there about 3 hours in.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:09 PM
"It's a nice painting. You know. One dog's goin' dis way, the udder' dog's goin' dat way. And this guys like, Whaddya want from me?"
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:07 PM
Eh, looks like somebody we know!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:09 PM
Please, she has enough "self esteem" already. Don't encourage her.
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:08 PM
You're one to talk. We've all seen the size of that noggin!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:10 PM
lets go canes give it the deacs in a bad way
Posted by: canezilla | October 28, 2009 at 08:11 PM
BEAT WAKE!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:13 PM
I was denied entry until one o'clock!
Child Please!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:14 PM
If timing was even, it would be close. JSQ had a three hour head start!
I was walking into a 15 shot lead!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:15 PM
damn, I thought I had it.
I saw the GRRR, in person, Hurriphin, and I immediately thought of U.
How would this dude like to be sitting in my chair, at this moment?
LOL!
and yes, Hurriphin, JSQ is MUCH HOTTER in person! (something about the hair flip)
I know u're jealous!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:04 PM
If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:15 PM
If timing was even, it would be close. JSQ had a three hour head start!
I was walking into a 15 shot lead!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:15 PM
Hey hey hey, keep the facts straight - I had done around 15 before you even got there. Then I did 15 more. Don't make it seem like it was remotely close. The final tally was more like the Charleston Southern game last season!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:18 PM
I was denied entry until one o'clock!
Child Please!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:14 PM
That's on 86. We got there at 10am!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:19 PM
That's on 86. We got there at 10am!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:19 PM
SURE, now everything is MY fault!
Do U know how many people I have to try to keep happy? It would make your head explode.
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:22 PM
SURE, now everything is MY fault!
Do U know how many people I have to try to keep happy? It would make your head explode.
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:22 PM
That's rough. Are you going to cry yourself to sleep on your GIANT pillow?
;-)
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:23 PM
OK, Mary, talk about UM vs WF?
What is that game going to be about?
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:23 PM
GOOD SHOW ON CANESPORT CANES 4 LIFE!!!! IT IS ON LIVE RIGHT NOW.
Posted by: mr troutman | October 28, 2009 at 08:23 PM
It would make your head explode.
i thought so
peace
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:24 PM
I haven't seen Casino or Goodfellas in a long time, but I do remember just how annoying Sharon Stone was to me the entire film, ha ... and I was actually laughing out loud in the theater when Pesci and his brother were getting treated like human pinatas by fat old Italians with aluminum bats
Posted by: Six | October 28, 2009 at 08:24 PM
http://miami.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=986369. CLICK ON NOW!
Posted by: mr troutman | October 28, 2009 at 08:24 PM
Six
NY in 6?
peace
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:25 PM
I was getting my "Solarcane" on earlier, and I came to realization on a disturbing fact....
UM hasn't had a DB take a pick back to base, since Antrel Rolle, waaaaaaaaay back in 04'.
Six minutes B. Harris your on. O-O-On....O-On.....
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:27 PM
OK, Mary, talk about UM vs WF?
What is that game going to be about?
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:23 PM
Defense. Randy has been working on pass rush and new third down packages all week. He says he is happy with the guys' attitude and that "they were really flying around out there." As I'm sure you recall, third down was a HUGE problem for us with Clemson, including the final drive. We would hold them and then seemingly give up. Randy and Lovett recognize this and are trying to change it. Ditto with pass rush. Riley Skinner is much better than that Parker dude who we made look like a Heisman candidate. So, it's even more important this week. Our challenges are obviously all the injuries on D.
I'm not worried about offense. I think Jacory will get better on the interceptions. Although, perhaps they should start doing drills on tackling dbs to prevent pick sixes.
JMO
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:27 PM
That's rough. Are you going to cry yourself to sleep on your GIANT pillow? ;-)
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:23 PM
YES, if that is what it takes. Can I get some CHEESE with with my whine?
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:27 PM
About 90% of the Yankee "fans" I've been around are nothing but a bunch of Gingers
Can't even name me the starting rotation of their last World Series winning team or anyone else on the team that isn't named Jeter, Posada, Clemens or Rivera
F'in Ginger Yankee fans
Posted by: Six | October 28, 2009 at 08:28 PM
If timing was even, it would be close. JSQ had a three hour head start!
I was walking into a 15 shot lead!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:15 PM
Hey hey hey, keep the facts straight - I had done around 15 before you even got there. Then I did 15 more. Don't make it seem like it was remotely close. The final tally was more like the Charleston Southern game last season!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:18 PM
Just like I said, 15 shot lead! NO ONE can hang on a 15 shot lead and be expected to keep up!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:29 PM
what happened to bg?
peace
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:31 PM
About 90% of the Yankee "fans" I've been around are nothing but a bunch of Gingers
Can't even name me the starting rotation of their last World Series winning team or anyone else on the team that isn't named Jeter, Posada, Clemens or Rivera
F'in Ginger Yankee fans
Posted by: Six | October 28, 2009 at 08:28 PM
That's the truth.
Speaking of, he's still on the milk carton. Anyone know how he's doing? I hope everything is okay.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:32 PM
Just like I said, 15 shot lead! NO ONE can hang on a 15 shot lead and be expected to keep up!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:29 PM
Gotcha. Perhaps they go down easier after the first 20.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:33 PM
"cane train" - Thanx for the shout out to the 'ol girl. She looks great there!
Posted by: Mars | October 28, 2009 at 08:35 PM
Anyone heard from Truth?
Posted by: bg1906 | October 28, 2009 at 08:36 PM
What happened to 15?!
It wan't a fair fight, all I'm saying!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:36 PM
Coverage map for Saturday:
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?page=coveragemaps2009
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:36 PM
I think SOUP shoo'ed him off...
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:37 PM
Those stupid Demons could've won the game last year, had they not opted to run the ball a million times that game.
Grobe had a rare mental lapse, on that one, and I wouldn't count on it happening again.
I'll tell you what.......I'm getting sick and tired of learning about opposing team's unhearalded players, AFTER they get done playing the U.
We introduced the world to Christian Ponder, and Darrius Heyward-Bey, and Kyle Parker, and Reggie Ball, and.......
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:37 PM
just a theory... LOL!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:37 PM
Gotcha. Perhaps they go down easier after the first 20.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:33 PM
Quizas, quizas, quizas...
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:37 PM
"cane train" - Thanx for the shout out to the 'ol girl. She looks great there!
Posted by: Mars | October 28, 2009 at 08:35 PM
My pleasure, Mars. I took that photo from your Facebook pictures. I wanted to keep it a surprise. I thought you'd be proud!!! :-)
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:38 PM
Mars... welcomne to The Space. Post here, post often!
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:39 PM
The differences, big differences between Clemson and Wake are:
1)NO Spiller or Ford to act as decoys and points of focus for this LB-DB corps.
2)NO DL and LB crew that can serious make plays against our OL.
This changes almost everything. Yes Grobe will try misdirections to get C-Mac and Sharpton out of position and throw it back to the RB or TE out of the backfield but after seeing that for 3 hours I think C-Mac will get it. Now will RR and Brown?? That's a good question.
Skinner will do a lot of 3 step drops and roll-outs to keep the DL off of him and hopefully gassed, so LB and SS responsibility will be critical.
But ultimately, as long as we're scoring in bunches, which we should be doing all day long, it won't matter how much misdirection Wake tries.
Posted by: Captain Optimist aka Cavaleer | October 28, 2009 at 08:39 PM
What happened to 15?!
It wan't a fair fight, all I'm saying!
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:36 PM
I did around 30 total. You did about 12 and gave up.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:39 PM