In light of recent events, I am changing the format of “Mary Knows Football” this week.
By “recent events” I mean the following: the Miami Hurricanes’ heartbreaking overtime loss to Clemson; ‘Canes “fans” throwing players and coaches under the bus; and in general, the type of fair-weather, bandwagon attitude that permeates the south Florida sports landscape. All three are sickening.
While I trust the ‘Canes will pull it together and finish the season strong, the remaining two issues are harder to remedy. You see, there are two types of sports fans in this world: Karens and Gingers. One you can trust, the other…well let’s just say, you don’t want to give them the key to your safe deposit box.
Who are Karen and Ginger, you ask? Karen is Karen Hill, wife of Henry Hill (Ray Liotta = Miami Hurricane) in Goodfellas. Ginger is Ginger Rothstein, wife of Sam “Ace” Rothstein in Casino.
As you may recall, Karen meets Henry when they are both young, before he started making big money. She puts up with Henry’s crap (not coming home at night, a car reeking of the late Billy Batts, and Janice Rossi), sticks by his side, and all she asks in return is a little shopping money so she can look nice for him and decorate their home with some tasteful animal prints. When Henry is busted after an unfortunate misunderstanding at the Tampa Zoo, Karen stays with him and visits him constantly. Indeed, she even smuggles salami and other goodies in during her visits to help Henry.
When Henry is released, Karen is at the gates waiting for him, having made due raising his children in a one bedroom apartment while he was “in college.” Later, when the cops are banging down their door, Karen flushes evidence and hides a gun in a precarious spot all to protect her man.
On the other hand, Ginger meets Ace after he has been sent to Vegas to open up the casinos for the Midwest mob bosses. Ace is already making money and Ginger latches on to him as a “sponsor.” After they have a daughter and marry, Ace gives her more money, fur coats, and a beautiful home. Things are good. Ginger charms Vegas politicians and everyone loves her.
Then, Ace starts having problems. What does Ginger do? She cheats on Ace with her old pimp as well as Ace’s best friend, kidnaps their daughter, later ties her to a bed, drives her Mercedes through their front lawn, steals Ace’s money and jewels, and ends up never heard from again after taking a “hot dose.”
Karens are the type of fans who support their team whether irrelevant or on top of the rankings. Karens will renovate an old van during the years of struggle, cover it in astroturf and ‘Canes upholstery, and name it “The ‘Cane Train.” Karens create a blog devoted to the team and the fans of the team during some of the darkest years of the program. Karens will tell you they were “about to go down in the elevator and get in that thing.”
Karens are the type of people you can count on to hide a gun in their unmentionables and smuggle salami into prison for you. Karens aren’t calling for the coach’s head because of a three run drive, questionable clock management, or the lack of a blitz attack. Karens aren’t going to say we need to bring Marve back because Jacory threw some interceptions. Karens will be at UVA, Duke, and USF supporting their team, no matter what boneheaded decisions were made last week. Karens will stand by their team.
Although the ‘Canes haven’t had to deal with the denial of a gaming license or extortion and narcotics distribution charges, they have experienced similarly devastating struggles over the last few years. The only conciliation I have found in that struggle is that the Gingers were gone, having put on some jorts, cutting their hair in a mullet, and leaving us for north Florida. On to the next winning team. No loyalty. Leaving our stadium empty and our team high and dry.
After the Hurricanes’ success early in the 2009 season, the Gingers were upon us again. You might have seen some Gingers spitting their prognostications on ESPN, or cheering “It’s Great To Be A Miami Hurricane” while exiting the Shark after we beat Oklahoma. But did you see Gingers at Clemson? Do you see Gingers now? After last Saturday, I’m sure the Gingers are back to doing a Croc chomp or cheering “Roll Tide.” Good riddance. I don’t trust Gingers and find them as repelling as Sharon Stone’s hairstyle at the end of Casino.
Gingers, if you are reading this: the U doesn’t need or want fans like you. In fact, when the ‘Canes and Karens make it back to the National Championship, you aren’t welcome at my tailgate. No jello shots for you. Find another sponsor.
So concludes my Martin Scorsese gangster movie wives/football fans metaphor. Guard yourself against Gingers and cue Gimme Shelter. “Oh, a storm is threatening . . .”
Here are my picks for the week. Questions on my rationale? Ask me on the live chat at 8 PM.
1 Florida vs. Georgia: Georgia
10 Oregon vs. 5 USC: Oregon
North Carolina State vs. Florida State: Florida State
UNC vs. 13 VA Tech: VA Tech (but please please please prove me wrong, Butch!)
19 Miami vs. Wake Forest: Miami
Quizas, quizas, quizas...
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:37 PM
no comprendo
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:41 PM
I did around 30 total. You did about 12 and gave up.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:39 PM
This could get UGLY...let him off easy JSQ, he's had a tough week.
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:41 PM
solar - a lot of "experts" are saying the Phils have no chance in hell to win, are saying either Yankee$ in 6 or Yankee$ in 7
I say Phillies in a dramatic game 7, if they can get by the Yankee$ and some bullsh*t calls they'll be given in Game 6
You know it will happen. It's almost always happens for the Yankee$
- Jeffery Maier incident against the Orioles that was clearly not a home run, by about 2 feet
http://cache.boston.com/bonzai-fba/AP_Photo/2007/10/06/1191671303_5940.jpg
- Phantom double play tag by Chuck Knoblauch in the 1999 ALCS
http://www.sonsofsamhorn.net/wiki/images/e/e2/Knobby.jpg
- Roger Clemens not being ejected for picking up a large piece of Mike Piazza's bat and throwing it at him, then saying that he "thought it was the ball"
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3311/3445127785_e516caa451_o.jpg
There's other examples as well, believe me, I remember them
Posted by: Six | October 28, 2009 at 08:42 PM
But ultimately, as long as we're scoring in bunches, which we should be doing all day long, it won't matter how much misdirection Wake tries.
Posted by: Captain Optimist aka Cavaleer | October 28, 2009 at 08:39 PM
Exactly. Like I said, I'm not concerned about our offense performing. We knew last week going into Clemson about their crazy front 7 (see "Mary Knows Football" Week 5). As long as our O-line keeps it together, I think we will be able to score at will.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:43 PM
I'M NO GINGER MARY....THROUGH THICK AND THIN.. I'LL BE ON HERE WIN LOOSE OR DRAW......EVEN THOUGH I HATE TO BE HERE WHEN WE LOOSE...IT IS DEPRESSING AROUND HERE.
Posted by: mr troutman | October 28, 2009 at 08:44 PM
This could get UGLY...let him off easy JSQ, he's had a tough week.
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:41 PM
Hey, management, this is just friendly banter between tailgaters!
There are opportunities to redeem yourself, mm01! More tailgates to come! :-)
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM
TROUT = TRUE CANE FAN
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM
No, no, no...
I'm just saying, it wasn't a fair fight, U had a head start!
How can anyone come back after a 15 shot lead?
I wasn't present, so, I have to take your word, which I trust.
We just need to have an even playing field. Haven't the last two times I've seen and hanged with U.
When its even, let's talk.
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM
DLU, what's with all this pizzy mood about Lovett? He's walked into a patchy situation and done a bang up job for the most part.
VT, I don't think it would've mattered what he called. The kids heads were NOT in the game.
Clemson, showed weaknesses in pass rush and LB coverage but that's not something we're just discovering. He said Sharpton was limited in what he can do before the season even started.
Besides, as Texas pointed out, the offense and STs laid egg after egg and expected the defense to just be there to clean it up.
We don't have the depth or the experience to do that against a big-play team like Clemson. But the D almost did. All the OL had to do was block and finish the game.
And don't forget Shannon said they're going to make a lot of changes, first and foremost being the pass rush, but also with the DBs, so hold your horses.
Posted by: Captain Optimist aka Cavaleer | October 28, 2009 at 08:46 PM
QUIZAS = PERHAPS
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:46 PM
I'M NO GINGER MARY....THROUGH THICK AND THIN.. I'LL BE ON HERE WIN LOOSE OR DRAW......EVEN THOUGH I HATE TO BE HERE WHEN WE LOOSE...IT IS DEPRESSING AROUND HERE.
Posted by: mr troutman | October 28, 2009 at 08:44 PM
I don't think there are any Gingers on here, Trout, but your posts definitely have a way of cheering me up and making me smile . . .
. . . usually, at least. No one has been all that cheery this week! ;-)
Just wait until Sunday, though - happy 'Canes will be back again!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:47 PM
As I'm sure you recall, third down was a HUGE problem for us with Clemson, including the final drive. We would hold them and then seemingly give up.
-JSQ
It's all the more evident how much our offense has blossomed, in not even a full year, considering how little they've actually been on the field seemingly every other game. I mean, we've cracked the 30 point barrier four times already, and that's in a pro-style O, without the help of a ton of non-offensive TD's, or multiple possessions due to a bunch of forced turnovers.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:48 PM
When its even, let's talk.
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM
I actually started back at 0 when you got there to make it even, although in reality, I had already done 15. I was trying to be fair to you. Don't you remember? I started telling you my real total at the end! hahahaha ;-)
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:49 PM
VERY UNFORTUNATELY...
... there won't be, this season. Randy was laid off Monday morning. Won't be attending for UVA, Duke, and USF.
I have two USF tix for sale, hit up 86 for info.
We're just SICK about the job, but even more about NOT being able to attend to hang with all of U. JUST SICK.
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:50 PM
QUIZAS = PERHAPS
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:46 PM
"Come on Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish!"
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:51 PM
Mary, Skinner's better but he doesn't have the cast around him that the Clemson kid does. To me, that combined with their lack of DL strength will make all the difference in this one.
Throw in some PIZZTIVITY and it should be a romp.
And whoever made the point about Spiller scoring against Bama made a great point.
But we still have holes on D, LB being the biggest. I'm excited to see RR light up some fools.
Posted by: Captain Optimist aka Cavaleer | October 28, 2009 at 08:52 PM
Six
I remember the bat sht, that was pretty insane.
I asked you if it was gonna be NY in 6 because three times today on three different shows that "they" said.
I give you huge props to sit through six foul balls, 2 pitch shake offs, three balls, five camera shots of the same pitch,
then a home run.lol
peace
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:52 PM
If this doesn't look like a walk-over early on, I am going to be very leery for this one.
If we don't come out swinging, don't be surprised if you meet the ACC's next talented DE, WR, or RB, after the game.
And I don't mean a representative from our squad, either.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:54 PM
MM01...I mailed U a check yesterday for the UVA tickets. Should be there tomorrow.
Prayers, hopes and dreams are with U...
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:54 PM
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:50 PM
I'm really, really sorry to hear that. You both will be missed but will definitely be there in spirit. I would pour a jello shot out for you (or jiggle it out, whatever), but I'm pretty sure you would be against that kind of waste. I'll think of another tribute.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Good Job Mary, Just got home from Torts Class!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Utley giving the Yank$ taste of their own medicine, hitting a homer over the softball field dimension fence in right
314 foot right field fence? Pathetic. You hit a duck fart off your hands and it's going out, and the Yank$ get to hit there 82 games a year
Posted by: Six | October 28, 2009 at 08:57 PM
Randycane that sucks man,
everyday I hear about another person I know losing his job,pension,insurance, or house.
Hang tough friend.
I'm doing a 1/3 of my usual business, but I'm NOT complaining, I'm one of the lucky ones.
peace
Posted by: solarcane | October 28, 2009 at 08:58 PM
Just got home from Torts Class!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
I LOVE it when U talk dirty!
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 08:58 PM
It was about time Frank Vincent got some licks in on Joe Pesci.
He got his azz LAMBASTED by Pesci on Raging Bull, AND Goodfellas!!
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
By the way Nick has watched "goodfellas" at least a hundred times so I think he will love this analogy!
GO CANES!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
Mary, Skinner's better but he doesn't have the cast around him that the Clemson kid does. To me, that combined with their lack of DL strength will make all the difference in this one.
Throw in some PIZZTIVITY and it should be a romp.
And whoever made the point about Spiller scoring against Bama made a great point.
But we still have holes on D, LB being the biggest. I'm excited to see RR light up some fools.
Posted by: Captain Optimist aka Cavaleer | October 28, 2009 at 08:52 PM
I'm hoping you are right about Skinner's crew - but I have to agree with Hurriphin's post as well:
If this doesn't look like a walk-over early on, I am going to be very leery for this one.
If we don't come out swinging, don't be surprised if you meet the ACC's next talented DE, WR, or RB, after the game.
And I don't mean a representative from our squad, either.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:54 PM
But as of right now, I don't think the Deacs have the supporting staff to carry off a W.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
miamimike01 - that sucks brah, keep the head up, things happen for a reason and usually something better comes along
It's always been that way for me with jobs
Posted by: Six | October 28, 2009 at 09:01 PM
(or jiggle it out, whatever)
That one is TOO easy. I'll let someone else have it.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Good Job Mary, Just got home from Torts Class!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Thanks, Canechic!
I was not a fan of torts. It was a six hour final. All essay. I actually walked into a wall coming down the stairs of UM law after it. I had nothing left. And when I was studying for it on the FL Bar, I kept being freaked out about getting into a car accident because of constantly studying negligence. NO FUN! My thoughts are with you. What are area you studying right now?
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 09:02 PM
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:50 PM
Im very sorry to hear about that
Me and my Wifes Prayers and thoughts go out to the both of you
We both hope everything works out for the both of you.
Posted by: Sebastian | October 28, 2009 at 09:03 PM
I saw Cane on Cane violence take place at the Clemson tailgate. Rumor has it that it was due to heated online exchanges on a Cane website or blog that brewed for years. Regardless of the reason, I never want to see that kind of behavior again.
Posted by: Ben Leis | October 28, 2009 at 09:04 PM
By the way Nick has watched "goodfellas" at least a hundred times so I think he will love this analogy!
GO CANES!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
It was the first movie I ever saw in my dorm room at Mahoney. I was too upset and homesick to go out with everyone the first weekend, so my friend Brian (at that point he was "that dude from Jersey who makes fun of Missouri") gave me a VHS of Goodfellas to watch while I cried for my mommy. Been a huge fan ever since.
And for the "it's a small world" moment: Brian is fraternity brothers with the dude who is making The U documentary.
:-)
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 09:04 PM
solar - hell, I love it, ha ... esp. if the end result is a home run
Every pitch that is fought off just makes the pitcher that much closer to possibly mislocating his next pitch, or hell, worst case scenario just working on elevating his pitch count and giving everyone else on the bench a chance to see how the pitcher's arsenal looks
Posted by: Six | October 28, 2009 at 09:05 PM
It was about time Frank Vincent got some licks in on Joe Pesci.
He got his azz LAMBASTED by Pesci on Raging Bull, AND Goodfellas!!
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
I like how he got wacked in the Sopranos. After what he did to Bobby and Sil, I hated that bastard.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 09:06 PM
Sorry Randy I feel your pain 1 year without work and I am now back working for the old employer but with a different name. Now I have so much work..I sometimes daydream about unemployment, ha! ha!
No seriously it stinks, I am very thankful I have a job. Just remember you were looking before you found this one and maybe something better is around the corner. Also even though you circumstance stinks and it does remember to be thankful for the little things. Looking back on my time in the unemployment line (which is now on-line), I learned some lessons about life that were invaluable.
Keep your chin up and always think positive thoughts!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 09:08 PM
I saw Cane on Cane violence take place at the Clemson tailgate. Rumor has it that it was due to heated online exchanges on a Cane website or blog that brewed for years. Regardless of the reason, I never want to see that kind of behavior again.
Posted by: Ben Leis | October 28, 2009 at 09:04 PM
??????
Not at my tailgate folks, I don't know what's happening where Ben is at. With my crew, it's all peace, love, and bbq chicken pizza.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 09:08 PM
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:50 PM
Sorry to hear, as well.
They won't let you work.....They won't let you steal.....
Hold your head, my dude.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 09:08 PM
Ben...what's up bro? Good to see U around The Space!
Mary and your Mom will be featured here next week. Same channel, same time...
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Six- You could almost hear all of the 813 groan as that ball sailed over right field
Posted by: Sebastian | October 28, 2009 at 09:10 PM
sorry to here that Randycane .... keep your head up... i make in two weeks what i made in a day.... i will pray for you...
Posted by: mi@mic@ne | October 28, 2009 at 09:13 PM
I know what you mean Mary-I keep saying "Shoot I do not think I will even move cause I may get sued". Anyway not a very exciting class but I have a 100% so not too bad.
Disclaimer-UCF classes not really hard, I promise!
GO CANES!!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 09:13 PM
Six why are even wasting your time watching that World Series. I hate the Yankees and I hate the Phillies.....get this cr@p over with already. I mean it is Nov already isn't it? I thought that was the "Fall Classic"?
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 09:15 PM
Favorite Pesci line of all-time:
Right before DeNiro is about to walk into Pesci's crib, after questioning him about messing around with his wife.......
"What did I tell you, huh? If I see your hand in that plate one more time, I swear I'm gonna' stab you with this knife!"
Pesci's material in Raging Bull was just excellent.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 09:15 PM
Randy, if you don't mind me asking, what industry are you in? Anything related to law? Maybe an area I, or someone else, can help with? I'd do anything I could for you, just let me know.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 09:15 PM
I know what you mean Mary-I keep saying "Shoot I do not think I will even move cause I may get sued". Anyway not a very exciting class but I have a 100% so not too bad.
Disclaimer-UCF classes not really hard, I promise!
GO CANES!!
Posted by: canechic | October 28, 2009 at 09:13 PM
I made a B in Torts. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! After 6 hours of "heck," I forgot that compensatory and punitive damages need to be comprable under BMW v. Gore. Didn't get a chance to put it in the essay. Remembered it when driving out of the law school lot.
Um, not that I still think about that to this day or anything, because that would be pathetic . . .
Anyway, if that is on your essay, just remember my mistake and don't forget to put it down!!!
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 09:19 PM
I still have a little home-town love for Philly, (although I seldom ever watch baseball) but every since Joe Carter broke my little heart back in the day, I've kinda' adopted the Astros as my "favorite" team.
It figures Philly would start winning years after I'd put the on the back burner.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 09:21 PM
Favorite Pesci line of all-time:
Right before DeNiro is about to walk into Pesci's crib, after questioning him about messing around with his wife.......
"What did I tell you, huh? If I see your hand in that plate one more time, I swear I'm gonna' stab you with this knife!"
Pesci's material in Raging Bull was just excellent.
Posted by: Hurriphin | October 28, 2009 at 09:15 PM
I thought I would like Raging Bull more. Pesci was good but the movie just made me sad. Although Goodfellas and Casino aren't exactly feel-good movies either.
Posted by: JSQ | October 28, 2009 at 09:23 PM
Philly cheese steak is ALL good!
Posted by: SOUP | October 28, 2009 at 09:23 PM
Posted by: miamimike01 | October 28, 2009 at 08:50 PM---
Posted by: Sebastian | October 28, 2009 at 09:03 PM--- Same here & Best to both of U!
Posted by: tortugacane | October 28, 2009 at 09:23 PM