Mary Knows Football: Week 6

In light of recent events, I am changing the format of “Mary Knows Football” this week.

 

By “recent events” I mean the following: the Miami Hurricanes’ heartbreaking overtime loss to Clemson; ‘Canes “fans” throwing players and coaches under the bus; and in general, the type of fair-weather, bandwagon attitude that permeates the south Florida sports landscape.  All three are sickening. 

 

While I trust the ‘Canes will pull it together and finish the season strong, the remaining two issues are harder to remedy.  You see, there are two types of sports fans in this world: Karens and Gingers.  One you can trust, the other…well let’s just say, you don’t want to give them the key to your safe deposit box.

 

Who are Karen and Ginger, you ask?  Karen is Karen Hill, wife of Henry Hill (Ray Liotta = Miami Hurricane) in Goodfellas.  Ginger is Ginger Rothstein, wife of Sam “Ace” Rothstein in Casino. 

 

As you may recall, Karen meets Henry when they are both young, before he started making big money.  She puts up with Henry’s crap (not coming home at night, a car reeking of the late Billy Batts, and Janice Rossi), sticks by his side, and all she asks in return is a little shopping money so she can look nice for him and decorate their home with some tasteful animal prints.  When Henry is busted after an unfortunate misunderstanding at the Tampa Zoo, Karen stays with him and visits him constantly.  Indeed, she even smuggles salami and other goodies in during her visits to help Henry. 

 

When Henry is released, Karen is at the gates waiting for him, having made due raising his children in a one bedroom apartment while he was “in college.”  Later, when the cops are banging down their door, Karen flushes evidence and hides a gun in a precarious spot all to protect her man. 

 

On the other hand, Ginger meets Ace after he has been sent to Vegas to open up the casinos for the Midwest mob bosses.  Ace is already making money and Ginger latches on to him as a “sponsor.”  After they have a daughter and marry, Ace gives her more money, fur coats, and a beautiful home.  Things are good.  Ginger charms Vegas politicians and everyone loves her. 

 

Then, Ace starts having problems.  What does Ginger do? She cheats on Ace with her old pimp as well as Ace’s best friend, kidnaps their daughter, later ties her to a bed, drives her Mercedes through their front lawn, steals Ace’s money and jewels, and ends up never heard from again after taking a “hot dose.”

 

Karens are the type of fans who support their team whether irrelevant or on top of the rankings.  Karens will renovate an old van during the years of struggle, cover it in astroturf and ‘Canes upholstery, and name it “The ‘Cane Train.”  Karens create a blog devoted to the team and the fans of the team during some of the darkest years of the program.  Karens will tell you they were “about to go down in the elevator and get in that thing.” 

 

Karens are the type of people you can count on to hide a gun in their unmentionables and smuggle salami into prison for you. Karens aren’t calling for the coach’s head because of a three run drive, questionable clock management, or the lack of a blitz attack.  Karens aren’t going to say we need to bring Marve back because Jacory threw some interceptions.  Karens will be at UVA, Duke, and USF supporting their team, no matter what boneheaded decisions were made last week.  Karens will stand by their team.

 

Although the ‘Canes haven’t had to deal with the denial of a gaming license or extortion and narcotics distribution charges, they have experienced similarly devastating struggles over the last few years.  The only conciliation I have found in that struggle is that the Gingers were gone, having put on some jorts, cutting their hair in a mullet, and leaving us for north Florida.  On to the next winning team.  No loyalty.  Leaving our stadium empty and our team high and dry. 

 

After the Hurricanes’ success early in the 2009 season, the Gingers were upon us again.  You might have seen some Gingers spitting their prognostications on ESPN, or cheering “It’s Great To Be A Miami Hurricane” while exiting the Shark after we beat Oklahoma.  But did you see Gingers at Clemson?  Do you see Gingers now?  After last Saturday, I’m sure the Gingers are back to doing a Croc chomp or cheering “Roll Tide.”  Good riddance.  I don’t trust Gingers and find them as repelling as Sharon Stone’s hairstyle at the end of Casino. 

 

Gingers, if you are reading this:  the U doesn’t need or want fans like you.  In fact, when the ‘Canes and Karens make it back to the National Championship, you aren’t welcome at my tailgate. No jello shots for you.  Find another sponsor. 

 

So concludes my Martin Scorsese gangster movie wives/football fans metaphor.  Guard yourself against Gingers and cue Gimme Shelter.  “Oh, a storm is threatening . . .”

 

Here are my picks for the week.  Questions on my rationale?  Ask me on the live chat at 8 PM.

 

1 Florida vs. Georgia:  Georgia

10 Oregon vs. 5 USC: Oregon

North Carolina State vs. Florida State: Florida State

UNC vs. 13 VA Tech: VA Tech (but please please please prove me wrong, Butch!)

19 Miami vs. Wake Forest: Miami

Comments

[86Cane]

Kirby! He is a great guy and responded to my email that included the link to the article. GO CANES!

[JSQ]

Kirby! He is a great guy and responded to my email that included the link to the article. GO CANES!

Posted by: 86Cane | October 29, 2009 at 01:46 PM

Kirby is awesome. Nothing but good things to say about him.

[JSQ]

http://www.sportingnews.com/ncaa_football/picks

[JSQ]

http://philsteele.com/Blogs/Oct09/DBOct28.html

[Daytoncane]

let me start off by saying that what this team has been able to accomplish is nothing short of remarkable. even if we end up with 3 losses like most of us predicted, this will still be a tremendous stepping stone in the development of this program.

everybody was making comparisons about this team and the 2000 team. the truth is:

there is no Heisman contender at LT
we don't have two first round picks at WR that are about to leave
there are no All - Americans at MLB and safety
no difference maker in the middle of that d-line.

once we return to that level of talent again then the acension back to the top of college football will be seamless.

[Six]

It doesn't really matter about the Crocs O

It's about their D, and always has been every year they've won a National Championship

Even if Spikes doesn't play, doesn't matter b/c Carlos Dunlap, Jermaine Cunningham and Stamper are holding down the fort

The back 4 of the Crocs are more impressive than the front 7. Jenkins, Haden, Wright and Black - Georgia isn't going to do alot throwing against those guys down the field on one-on-one matchups. Sorry, that's just the straight up truth. AJ Green better hope his man releases him and the safety blows his assignment

The Crocs O doesn't have to do as much b/c the D is so good and will slowly give them good field position to work with, or even score on their own with a pick 6 or blocked punt for TD.

Charlie Strong deserves a hell of a lot more credit than Urban Myth. Am I wrong? Who's unit has out shined the other during their NChampionship years together? Who's unit looks better than the other this year alone?

49-10 last year ... with Stafford and Moreno. They've only won 3 times in the past 18 years. UGA is going to have to sell their souls in order to win this game

Think about this as well

Tebow has a chance to not only break Herschel Walker's record, but add even more to it ... AGAINST WALKER'S ALMA MATER ... motivation? Uh, ya

[Hurriphin]

After watching UF struggle (abiet win) against Miss.St., Ark., an offens(ive)less LSU, and the worst Tenn. team in a decade, I'm gonna set a scenario:

Big rivalry game; Tebow's last home game; Perfect reg. season record possibly on the line; slight chance that it's Bowden's last game vs. the Gates'; Uf's Off. floundering; FSU's Off. shining.

Don't say I didn't warn you........

[Hurriphin]

Also good to see D-Jenks got a spot on the Browns (pfffft... I know) roster.

He was one of only about five guys on that 07' squad who actually wanted to win.

[Six]

Let me add a little something about what I said earlier

"It's about their D, and always has been every year they've won a National Championship" .... under the current head coach

Under Spurrier, he had that timing offense down - just ask Florida State after they got 52 dropped on them in the Sugar Bowl for the Crocs 1st Title

[Calvin]

six, so far so good on your gator predicition but they won't be undefeated this year, sooner or later the refs won't be able to bail them out. Now that defense they have is legit againdt teams with no offense, but if you got deep threats at both wide receiver spots, that secondary is suspect, we all know janoris jenkins plays strong defense with in 20 yards, after that, he doesn't have the top end speed to stay with the receivers, joe hayden does, but if you want to see a good match-up, let's put our receivers right now against their secondary and jacory with time, he torched that secondary.

tebow with time rarely finds people against solid defenses.

Anyway looking at the defense on that last play, a linebacker should have blitzed, that was one of the simplest plays ran, parker locked in on jacoby ford that whole play, that last play was not about not having depth on defense, or we don't have the players we need, it was just a bad defensive play call, just like the 3 running plays were conservative, so was that last defensive play call, all clemson did was spread us out, we were basically in zone defense, more like an umbrella type defense, instead of bring the safeties up a step or 2, that last play was just to easy, blitz parker like we did hodges or landry jones the game was either going to be tied again or they would have missed the fieldgoal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_IhkUXyqw4

[86Cane]

UGA is going to have to sell their souls in order to win this game.

Posted by: Six | October 29, 2009 at 02:07 PM

I say DO IT!

The world is gonna end in 2012 anyway, it's worth beating ther Gators at least one more time before that happens. NBD.

[solarcane]

Guess who read the UM Ring of Honor article I wrote and sent me an email saying how GREAT it was? Go ahead guess?

your mom

peace

[solarcane]

Six,
that was the point i was trying to make UF's defense isn't going to wait for Tebow to win the game.

The extraordinary loathing of Tebow blinds people to the fact The Gator defenders can play.

Georgia had great offensive players on the field last year against the over rated Gators, what happened?

peace

[86Cane]

your mom

peace

Posted by: solarcane | October 29, 2009 at 02:50 PM

My mom died in 1995 so unless she gets the Internet in Heaven it wasn't her.

Ethel Marie Popadak is buried at the same cemetary in Miami (Kendall) as ST#26. I visit them BOTH all the time.

Sometimes I pour out some Irish whiskey at their grave sites to honor and celebrate their lives.

They both told me they like it when I visit. I'm just sayin'...

[solarcane]

why wouldn't they get the internet in heaven? it's gotta be free

peace

[86Cane]

why wouldn't they get the internet in heaven? it's gotta be free

peace

Posted by: solarcane | October 29, 2009 at 03:00 PM

Never thought of it that way? U think my Mom is a Canespacer? Nah, no way!

[SuperDuperCanezillaInManilla]

You can't blame that paltry crowd on fair weather fans. If anything, our fair weather fans would have been AT that game, not cheering for Bama or UF. That just doesn't make sense. Your picks are pretty good with the exception of the UF-UGA game. Just don't see it turning out that way.

[86Cane]

LAST...

NEW BLOG IS UP!

[CGNC]

:-D

[Sara]

Good point to make at this point in the season. It is very fitting that you compare Canes fans to characters from gangster movies! I can only say that because I am a Cane no matter what. As for guys, that's a whole 'nother story.

[CaneWarrior]

U!

[Montreal-Cane]

Heyy guys <<

i think she sucks.....