Mary Knows Football: Week 6

In light of recent events, I am changing the format of “Mary Knows Football” this week.

 

By “recent events” I mean the following: the Miami Hurricanes’ heartbreaking overtime loss to Clemson; ‘Canes “fans” throwing players and coaches under the bus; and in general, the type of fair-weather, bandwagon attitude that permeates the south Florida sports landscape.  All three are sickening. 

 

While I trust the ‘Canes will pull it together and finish the season strong, the remaining two issues are harder to remedy.  You see, there are two types of sports fans in this world: Karens and Gingers.  One you can trust, the other…well let’s just say, you don’t want to give them the key to your safe deposit box.

 

Who are Karen and Ginger, you ask?  Karen is Karen Hill, wife of Henry Hill (Ray Liotta = Miami Hurricane) in Goodfellas.  Ginger is Ginger Rothstein, wife of Sam “Ace” Rothstein in Casino. 

 

As you may recall, Karen meets Henry when they are both young, before he started making big money.  She puts up with Henry’s crap (not coming home at night, a car reeking of the late Billy Batts, and Janice Rossi), sticks by his side, and all she asks in return is a little shopping money so she can look nice for him and decorate their home with some tasteful animal prints.  When Henry is busted after an unfortunate misunderstanding at the Tampa Zoo, Karen stays with him and visits him constantly.  Indeed, she even smuggles salami and other goodies in during her visits to help Henry. 

 

When Henry is released, Karen is at the gates waiting for him, having made due raising his children in a one bedroom apartment while he was “in college.”  Later, when the cops are banging down their door, Karen flushes evidence and hides a gun in a precarious spot all to protect her man. 

 

On the other hand, Ginger meets Ace after he has been sent to Vegas to open up the casinos for the Midwest mob bosses.  Ace is already making money and Ginger latches on to him as a “sponsor.”  After they have a daughter and marry, Ace gives her more money, fur coats, and a beautiful home.  Things are good.  Ginger charms Vegas politicians and everyone loves her. 

 

Then, Ace starts having problems.  What does Ginger do? She cheats on Ace with her old pimp as well as Ace’s best friend, kidnaps their daughter, later ties her to a bed, drives her Mercedes through their front lawn, steals Ace’s money and jewels, and ends up never heard from again after taking a “hot dose.”

 

Karens are the type of fans who support their team whether irrelevant or on top of the rankings.  Karens will renovate an old van during the years of struggle, cover it in astroturf and ‘Canes upholstery, and name it “The ‘Cane Train.”  Karens create a blog devoted to the team and the fans of the team during some of the darkest years of the program.  Karens will tell you they were “about to go down in the elevator and get in that thing.” 

 

Karens are the type of people you can count on to hide a gun in their unmentionables and smuggle salami into prison for you. Karens aren’t calling for the coach’s head because of a three run drive, questionable clock management, or the lack of a blitz attack.  Karens aren’t going to say we need to bring Marve back because Jacory threw some interceptions.  Karens will be at UVA, Duke, and USF supporting their team, no matter what boneheaded decisions were made last week.  Karens will stand by their team.

 

Although the ‘Canes haven’t had to deal with the denial of a gaming license or extortion and narcotics distribution charges, they have experienced similarly devastating struggles over the last few years.  The only conciliation I have found in that struggle is that the Gingers were gone, having put on some jorts, cutting their hair in a mullet, and leaving us for north Florida.  On to the next winning team.  No loyalty.  Leaving our stadium empty and our team high and dry. 

 

After the Hurricanes’ success early in the 2009 season, the Gingers were upon us again.  You might have seen some Gingers spitting their prognostications on ESPN, or cheering “It’s Great To Be A Miami Hurricane” while exiting the Shark after we beat Oklahoma.  But did you see Gingers at Clemson?  Do you see Gingers now?  After last Saturday, I’m sure the Gingers are back to doing a Croc chomp or cheering “Roll Tide.”  Good riddance.  I don’t trust Gingers and find them as repelling as Sharon Stone’s hairstyle at the end of Casino. 

 

Gingers, if you are reading this:  the U doesn’t need or want fans like you.  In fact, when the ‘Canes and Karens make it back to the National Championship, you aren’t welcome at my tailgate. No jello shots for you.  Find another sponsor. 

 

So concludes my Martin Scorsese gangster movie wives/football fans metaphor.  Guard yourself against Gingers and cue Gimme Shelter.  “Oh, a storm is threatening . . .”

 

Here are my picks for the week.  Questions on my rationale?  Ask me on the live chat at 8 PM.

 

1 Florida vs. Georgia:  Georgia

10 Oregon vs. 5 USC: Oregon

North Carolina State vs. Florida State: Florida State

UNC vs. 13 VA Tech: VA Tech (but please please please prove me wrong, Butch!)

19 Miami vs. Wake Forest: Miami

Comments

[Canez1]

I saw Cane on Cane violence take place at the Clemson tailgate. Rumor has it that it was due to heated online exchanges on a Cane website or blog that brewed for years. Regardless of the reason, I never want to see that kind of behavior again.

Posted by: Ben Leis | October 28, 2009 at 09:04 PM

Now that is badazz!!! It is about time someone pays for talkin shyte behind the computer.

I love it!!

I think we match up well with Wake and beat that azz this weekend.

Halloween is fukin up my Canez schedule. Stupit shyte!!

Aqua you goin to the UNC game?

My plans are all set just tryin to see who is in.

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[Texascane]

If only Jacory would make a tearful speech about no one in the country working harder than him and his teammates to make up for the loss...

Maybe we could even engrave it on a plaque and put it over at Landshark...

[solarcane]

Tex,
Jacory is too busy enjoying being a college student and playing football to let a loss ruin his life.

peace

[solarcane]

what I like best about acory is it's all about this play.

It's not the td he threw last play, or the pick right before it.
It isn't the win against GT or the loss to VT, he lives in the now.

peace

[pb(CSROH10)]

Very under appreciated De Niro flick, that was funny as hell Midnight Run, where he plays a bounty hunter opposite Charles Grodin.

As an actor, the man can do it all:

"If you don't shut up youre going to be suffering from fistophobia".

[Canez1]

The team can come out of the tunnel and touch Jascory's afro.

Just like Howard's rock...

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[Texascane]

I know but then we could have Randy come up on stage and give him a big hug and tearfully say that he wanted to, "memorialize Jacory's statement for the ages now because he, Randy, might be 'toes up' in 10 years and no one would remember how Jacory's speech had healed the team, coaches and the entire Florida fan base"

Think of the love...

[Tereina]

I'm a Karen....I'd smuggle Salami in for Randy (and da boys with da U on their helmets) any day of any week. It's GREAT to be a Miami Hurricane...even after Clemson. GO CANES!!

[JSQ]

I'm a Karen....I'd smuggle Salami in for Randy (and da boys with da U on their helmets) any day of any week. It's GREAT to be a Miami Hurricane...even after Clemson. GO CANES!!

Posted by: Tereina | October 29, 2009 at 10:46 AM

Thanks for posting, T. You are most definitely a Karen!!! :-)

[JSQ]

So, 86, which typical gator picture are you going to choose? I'm partial to the guy with the T-bone tat and mullett, it's just too bad you can't see if those acid-washed jeans are jorts.

[JSQ]

I know but then we could have Randy come up on stage and give him a big hug and tearfully say that he wanted to, "memorialize Jacory's statement for the ages now because he, Randy, might be 'toes up' in 10 years and no one would remember how Jacory's speech had healed the team, coaches and the entire Florida fan base"

Think of the love...

Posted by: Texascane | October 29, 2009 at 10:40 AM

Ug. I hope UGA pulls themselves together and destroys those azzclowns on Saturday!

I can just see Saint Timmy's excuse speech for the loss now - something about Halloween being the devil's holiday and some stuff about Jesus and hard work thrown in at the end.

[86Cane]

86 are U going to let her call U a Karen?!

j/k
It's a compliment in this context.

Posted by: DZ8 | October 29, 2009 at 10:15 AM

The truth is that she probably calls me a LOT of things worse than that behind my back after a few Jello shots! But I'm like Randy Shannon: "I don't worry about the public, Dude."

The truth is that I am just glad that The JSQ and all of the other "Karen's" out there like CGNC, Canechic, MaryLou, KLCane Fan, SwagGirl, MoneyGirl snd MimiCane all call Canespace home.

[Daytoncane]

If only Jacory would make a tearful speech about no one in the country working harder than him and his teammates to make up for the loss...

Maybe we could even engrave it on a plaque and put it over at Landshark...

Posted by: Texascane | October 29, 2009 at 10:29 AM

does this mean that Jacory can also run down the field at full speed into the special teams huddle and scream at them?

you never know, it might work lol.

[JSQ]

The truth is that she probably calls me a LOT of things worse than that behind my back after a few Jello shots! But I'm like Randy Shannon: "I don't worry about the public, Dude."

Posted by: 86Cane | October 29, 2009 at 11:01 AM

Wow, I thought your head was bigger than that!

Would never do that, 86.

[Hurricanedave]

JSQ
Great blog. I have been married to a Karen and a Ginger, believe me Karen is better.

I have been a Phillies fan for over 60 years. Most people don't like Philly fans because we are so passionate. We boo Santa Claus and sometimes our team. But we stick with them through thick or thin, we love our Phillies. They are the only team to lose over 10,000 games. But we still love them win or lose. But, if they don't win, the stands are not always full. This year they sold out 100% of their games. Maybe not next year.This morning we are happy, maybe not tonight.Fans a fickle. What have you done for me lately.

When the U (which I love more than the Phillies) starts to win on a consistent basis, they will sell more seats and the complaining will diminish. That's just what fans do. We all want the U to be the best, we find fault when they are not, but down deep, we are all passionate about the U.We just express ourselves differently, just like we do in Philly, the booing means nothing, it is actually a love song!

[Texascane]

"Gingers have no souls, like the Japanese..."

Eric Cartman

[86Cane]

I am writing a new blog for the RAYCOM site. Be back later with the link.

OGV's Short List will post later today here on The Space.

[JSQ]

Posted by: Hurricanedave | October 29, 2009 at 11:06 AM

Thanks, Hurricanedave. Great post!

[JSQ]

"Gingers have no souls, like the Japanese..."

Eric Cartman

Posted by: Texascane | October 29, 2009 at 11:11 AM

lol

[DZ8]

Gingers have no souls, like the Japanese..."

Eric Cartman

Posted by: Texascane | October 29, 2009 at 11:11 AM

Classic lol!

[Canez1]

"I'd smuggle Salami"
Posted by: Tereina | October 29, 2009 at 10:46 AM

NICE!!!!!!

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[Canez1]

GIGIDY GIGIDY GIGIDY!!

GO CANEZ!!!!!

[solarcane]

pb,

I have watched midnight run about a half dozen times the facial expressions an chemistry between those two is hilarious.

I got two words for you, and here they are

shutthe fukup

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXZeALdakLk

peace

[David George]

Georgia over Florida? You need to stop eating the jello shots and stick to making them. This weeks comments made perfect sense until you made that pick.

[solarcane]

david,
I thought the same thing, I got a bad feeling Florida is gonna romp in this one.

peace

[pb(CSROH10)]

Posted by: solarcane | October 29, 2009 at 11:22 AM

Grodin's "You two are the worst bounty hunters I have ever seen!!" comment was gold.

And youre right, De Niro's expressions were classic in that flick. The whole watch tapping thing was pure genius.

[DZ8]

Bailey, a junior, said he hopes to be used at defensive end next season. Switching back and forth hasn't been disruptive for him.

Bailey and Hankerson are, IMO, the two most likely juniors to leave for the draft. Hope they stick around.

Also good to see the depth returning at d line. Jeremy Lewis is getting plays and Shannon says Porter will get about 30 snaps this week (the reason Bailey will strictly be an end against Wake).

[solarcane]

pb, here are a couple more, the way their relationship develops was some great writing.

that shyt is funi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_tWmEfrJcs&NR=1

peace

[Hurricanedave]

hard to believe that Bailey and Hank are juniors

[pb(CSROH10)]

Florida's wide receivers are suspect at best and they sorely miss Percy Harvin. The SEC has figured out UF's offense and Tebow is finally beaten up so bad he has lost his explosiveness. I admire the fact it took this long, didn't think he would finish last season with the pounding he took.

They are two officiating homerisms from having a loss already.

Georgia can score. This is their Bowl game.

I agree with Mary.

[JSQ]

Florida's wide receivers are suspect at best and they sorely miss Percy Harvin. The SEC has figured out UF's offense and Tebow is finally beaten up so bad he has lost his explosiveness. I admire the fact it took this long, didn't think he would finish last season with the pounding he took.

They are two officiating homerisms from having a loss already.

Georgia can score. This is their Bowl game.

I agree with Mary.

Posted by: pb(CSROH10) | October 29, 2009 at 11:39 AM

Thanks, pb. Your rationale is why I made the pick. I think FU's time is up. My boss, a gator convert, posted that stuff before (David). Now Canespace sees what I have to put up with just to keep a roof over my head. Sigh. [shakes head]

[pb(CSROH10)]

Tebow has thrown only 130 times all season and has 8 TDs and 4 picks. He has been sacked a whopping 15 times.

He is not the same player he was two seasons ago running the ball. That fact is irrefutable.

Should be a good game but with UF's offense no game is going to be a romp from here on out.

JMO.

[Mom]

Go Canes!

[solarcane]

Mary I agree with your picks 90% of the time.

I think Florida just hates Georgia about as much as we hate the Gators.
I think Florida takes it

Green has a great day you will be right though

peace

[86Cane]

Raycom blog is done, pending review and posting later today. I'll post the link when it is up. If U make a valid comment over there U can win $100 in Retro Gear!

[JSQ]

Posted by: pb(CSROH10) | October 29, 2009 at 11:49 AM

Croc fans (perhaps especially a person posting above who doesn't actually watch the FU games to see what an embarrassment their offense is) are in denial. They think Cryer is holding back the "really good" offense and all this has been a decoy.

Wrong. Your offense sucks, the only reason you haven't lost 2-3 games yet is cheating refs, your star player will go during the second day of the draft and never be heard from again, and your team will never be relevant again without him. We will see all these Gingers at 'Canes fans mid 2010 season -> and Cryer will be calling up Randy for a job doing special teams for the 'Canes. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

And with that, GO DAWGS!!!!

[JSQ]

Go Canes!

Posted by: Mom | October 29, 2009 at 11:59 AM

Thanks, Mom!

[Calvin]

Make no mistake about it, the majority of real eams had already figured out hat bullshat offense, it was pecy harvin that made the biggest difference, he's doing his thing in the nfl too, living his dream, big money, pounds of weed, set em free. Even though i didn't want any of them to win(the gators or oklahoma)it was funny as hell once the gators knew they would win how harvin slapped the hell out of oscar cryers azz, cryer just walked away.

Hell, harvin's one run against us was one of the biggest differences in that game, it was 3rd down and about 7, they handed the ball off to harvin, we got him in the backfield, he takes off up the middle and gets the 1st down. He's football quick, he already has 2 kick off returns for touchdowns if i'm not mistaken, he's one of those players that's going to help you win football games, that's for sure.

harvin will help the gators in recruiting, they finally have someone at the pro-level that's actually doing something now, if alex smith holds onto the startign job in san francisco, that'll help another oscar cryer cause.

If the gators have to rely on non-touchdown passing tebow to win games, their offense will definitely stay at a stand still. Now if you give tebow a short field to work with, that's a different story,should be a fun game, i thought caleb king would be doing a little better than what he's doing, alright orson charles, you broke the trophy, now break their record and give them a loss, their coming for you.

Canez1, that had to be funny as hell seeing somebody get they azz whooped for talking shat behind a keyboard and than got found out at a game, them keyboard gangsta's will learn one way or another.

[JSQ]

Mary I agree with your picks 90% of the time.

I think Florida just hates Georgia about as much as we hate the Gators.
I think Florida takes it

Green has a great day you will be right though

peace

Posted by: solarcane | October 29, 2009 at 12:00 PM

Thanks, Solar. I'm sure by now you guys realize that my picks are mostly reality with a couple of wishful thinking picks thrown in. Sort of a field of dreams mentality, almost - if I predict it, it will happen. Let's cheer on the dawgs - hopefully those pics of Cryer calling TO all over their locker room have gotten them pretty fired up as well! Also, let's not forget what happened the last time Florida was supposed to "romp" someone. Kiffin's moral victory. [eye roll]

[solarcane]

pb, Mary,

I can see you are thinking Florida's lack of offense is the key to the game

You realize Florida is #1 in the entire nation in total defense while Georgia s #70 right?

I think Florida can hold Georgia to a few points unless Green gets open all day.

peace

[solarcane]

Last UF UGA observation

120 teams total

Total offense

UF #8
UGA #90

Total defense
UF #1
UGA 70

out
peace

[JSQ]

Crazier things have happened, solar!

I BELIEVE!!!

GO DAWGS!!!

[Calvin]

solar, It's easy to be #1 in the nation is defense when you play the schedule that the gators have, lsu has no offense thus far no matter who they play, charleston southern, who else they played. It's like right now, people pointing out jacory harris is leading the acc in interceptions, big deal, the man has had to play against something of the toughest defenses statistically and realistically in the nation, g-tech has a 1st team all american back their, v-tech we all know what type defense they play, okalhoma's defense, except for the 25 year old, they were at full strength, than we play ucf and than clemson with all those guys back their in that secondary doing well, no other qb in college football has had to face that many tough defense and for jacory to still be where he's at, and like it was said earlier, how many of jacory's interceptions were tipped balls and halftime/end of game heaves where it is bound to get picked off.

That's not to say the gators don't have a legit offense, but if we played them this year and they played us man like they did last year, their going to get torched if we can hold off that front four. I'd rather live with jacory's high risk/high reward throws than for him to be back their just holding the ball and taking sacks on a regular basis. We all know that jacory wit hnatural progression will cut down on the interceptions if not he'll be trying to put up at least 1 touchdown for every interception.

[Calvin]

solar, It's easy to be #1 in the nation is defense when you play the schedule that the gators have, lsu has no offense thus far no matter who they play, charleston southern, who else they played. It's like right now, people pointing out jacory harris is leading the acc in interceptions, big deal, the man has had to play against something of the toughest defenses statistically and realistically in the nation, g-tech has a 1st team all american back their, v-tech we all know what type defense they play, okalhoma's defense, except for the 25 year old, they were at full strength, than we play ucf and than clemson with all those guys back their in that secondary doing well, no other qb in college football has had to face that many tough defense and for jacory to still be where he's at, and like it was said earlier, how many of jacory's interceptions were tipped balls and halftime/end of game heaves where it is bound to get picked off.

That's not to say the gators don't have a legit offense, but if we played them this year and they played us man like they did last year, their going to get torched if we can hold off that front four. I'd rather live with jacory's high risk/high reward throws than for him to be back their just holding the ball and taking sacks on a regular basis. We all know that jacory wit hnatural progression will cut down on the interceptions if not he'll be trying to put up at least 1 touchdown for every interception.

[Keoki]

Freak'n Awesome!!!

http://blogs.howstuffworks.com/2009/10/27/drunk-driving-in-a-nitrous-oxide-fueled-la-z-boy/

GO CANES!!!

[86Cane]

Keoki...did U see that U won a T-shirt fromn Raycom?

[CGNC]

Roll call Wake Forest

CGNC
CGNC, Jr.

[86Cane]

Guess who read the UM Ring of Honor article I wrote and sent me an email saying how GREAT it was? Go ahead guess?

[JSQ]

Guess who read the UM Ring of Honor article I wrote and sent me an email saying how GREAT it was? Go ahead guess?

Posted by: 86Cane | October 29, 2009 at 01:39 PM

Kirby?
DBJ?

Steve or Bennie? I did post it on facebook - they could have seen it on my "live feed"

[86Cane]

CGNC: Will not see U at Wake but...UNC is a guaranteed WIN!

ROLL CALL UNC:

CGNC
Solar
Canez1
UMike
Esteban
bg1906
Aqua

Who got next?